


Every Now and Then

by Kinthinia



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angels, Childhood Friends, Demons, F/M, Romance, Slow Burn, Stanford Friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-26
Updated: 2013-07-11
Packaged: 2017-12-18 02:10:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 41,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/874483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kinthinia/pseuds/Kinthinia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alyssa's been on the run for a year before finding herself at the Roadhouse. Helping out seemed harmless enough until she met the man that caused this mess. Between fighting with Dean and making peace, surviving the Winchester's shit storm is not the easiest thing to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Somebody I Used To Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started writing this a year ago over on ffnet, but I've decided to post it up here too. So the timeline is a little weird, because I didn't post it here until one year after I'd been writing it. 23 chapters to upload...

### Every Now and Then

"The new girl's back," Ash remarked as he grabbed another beer, tossing it back. Ellen looked past him and saw that he was right –that girl had shown up three days ago and Ellen had been afraid she wasn't going to make it. But apparently she was tougher than she looked, but as near as Ellen figured, she wasn't a hunter. She wasn't exactly a kid either, but she was seriously underfed and she had… there was something about her eyes. It was though she was being haunted by something, but that wasn't exactly uncommon around the Roadhouse.

Ellen paid for the meal herself and dropped it off at the girl's table. It was hardly even a second of eye contact but those big blue eyes looked at her with a certain gratefulness that Ellen wasn't accustomed to seeing. And then she was digging into her burger with such slowness that she was pretty sure the girl was near starving. On Monday when she'd shown up first, she had eaten much faster and probably gotten herself sick in the process. If she was starving, which seemed entirely possible given how those clothes hung off her body.

Ellen turned away from the girl. Ash had started up a search to see what he could find out about her, but nothing seemed to be coming up. The new girl hadn't spoken a single word since Monday when she'd shown up and that haunted look n her eyes was the main reason Ellen wanted to know about her background. That and it was simply a smart move to make. And for some searches a name wasn't really necessary, especially when so many people were using aliases. She glanced over and spotted Ash at his computer. It was always good business to know as much about the people in her saloon as possible.

A group of rowdy hunters entered and Ellen was distracted as she went to serve them and pick up on what was going on for them, keeping track of the little bits of information that she overheard here and there. When she turned back to check on the new girl, she found that she had left behind an empty plate and was gone. Again. Ellen sighed, grabbing the dishes and dropping them off. She hoped that the girl would turn up again –she couldn't have been much older than Jo and whatever had left that look in her eyes was no good.

It was around closing before she got a chance to talk to Ash, and he was thankfully sober enough to tell her what she had been waiting to hear. "I found somethin' about that girl, alright," he laughed, leaning back in his chair and shaking his head. He angled his computer a bit so that Ellen could see the profile of their new girl.

Well, it certainly wasn't what either of them had expected. But it was obvious that the girl was in trouble that was way over her head. Ellen shook her head and turned away. It seemed she had kept her head on rather firmly despite whatever was going on, having run five states away and only been sighted twice. Both of the sightings were in Arizona, but apparently after her second sighting she had literally dropped off the radar. And it looked like she had been smart enough to stay low and be a little less noticeable.

Over the next several weeks she saw the girl again, and with a little prodding and several free meals, she won her over enough to be rewarded with her name. And from then on, Alyssa showed up more and more often. But knowing that if Ellen kept giving her free meals, she'd be broke, she found herself a new waitress. The odd broken dish here and there was about worth it, to see the extra pounds return to her and the smile that she occasionally graced the odd hunter with. Ellen was glad to see that the girl's health was improving rapidly, and soon she had a healthy complexion again. At the end of the day, Alyssa blended in with the crowd at the Roadhouse and made a pretty decent waitress and she had no problem with telling Ellen if she'd overheard anything of use.

Jo and Alyssa got along well enough too, and Ellen figured it was good for both of them. Alyssa hadn't made friends with any of the patrons, which was probably a good thing and Jo was able to draw her a little more out of her shell. Most of the time. But then the blasted Winchesters happened and not even Alyssa's level headedness could keep Jo from leaving. And then, something that was pretty much inevitable happened. Alyssa met the Winchesters.

### Chapter One, Somebody I Used to Know

Alyssa glanced over at the unfamiliar man as he ordered two beers before going to join a taller man who was sitting with Ash. She got the two beers as he requested and set them down, safely away from Ash's computer. At times he could be almost reckless with his computer but mostly he was rather respectful of the machine and Alyssa tried to lessen the possibility of beer spills occurring near it. The man who had ordered didn't even acknowledge her and took a long gulp from it while the taller man turned to thank her, without really seeing her. For a long moment, Alyssa was frozen still.

She came back to herself when she heard the other calls for beer, but was mostly out of it as she brought them their drinks and worked at the counter while Ellen went around to check on everyone. The numbness that she had felt for so long gave a painful jolt and the past she'd been running from stirred within her mind. She shot a glance over at Sam whenever she could, wondering what he was doing in a place like this. But perhaps it should have been less surprising to her, of all people. Alyssa couldn't break her focus from Sam, checking to make sure he was there whenever she could, to ascertain that he hadn't disappeared on her while she poured another hunter a drink.

Her thoughts whirled in her mind, chaotic and disorganized and fear bubbled up from a place she had long since forgotten. It was too much all at once, for her to deal with. It had been over a year since she had last seen Sam, the boy she had graduated high school with. And through some luck, she managed to meet him again at Stanford. He was going to be a lawyer and she was going to be a forensic psychologist. But that all changed rather abruptly…

Alyssa tightened her grasp on the glass that she was supposed to be cleaning and a startled yelp escaped her when her grip caused the glass to shatter. A few of the hunters who she had met during her first few days working a the Roadhouse chuckled, while those like Sam who didn't know her turned to look at her. She hastily pulled the glass from her hand and swept it into the garbage with the others before disappearing into the back to treat her cut. It wasn't the first time. And thankfully this time, the cut wasn't deep enough that she would need fake stitches from a hunter. The hospital was completely out of the question, for many reasons. Alyssa patiently cleaned the cut, just to be safe, and wrapped it up.

She headed back out and found that Ellen was working the counter, she shook her head and Alyssa could only offer her an apologetic shrug before heading out to check with everyone. She gave Ash's table a wide berth, and she knew that the computer genius wouldn't have missed it but she trusted that he wouldn't bring it up until the men he was with had left. A part of her desperately wanted Sam to look at her and realize who she was, but a larger part of her that was attached to self-preservation wanted him to keep his focus on whatever conversation he was currently having with Ash.

She was halfway across the room, offering a few comments to a group of hunters who were celebrating a kill when she felt eyes on her. She looked up and saw that the shorter man was turning away, back into the conversation with Ash. Recognizing when someone was looking at her like that, with suspicion, was often the difference between a successful runaway and an unsuccessful one. Arizona had taught her that. And sure, it had been a while since she was officially on the run, but some habits had stuck with her. Like that one.

She made her way over to Ash's table, aware that he was there but not about to let him stop her. She gently tapped the shorter one's shoulder, offering him a sweet smile and a few conversational words to check on him before moving on to another table. She glanced at the clock and was more than excited to see that closing time was almost here, as other hunters slowly eased out of the establishment.

"You got something against them boys?" Ellen asked, glancing towards Ash's table.

"No," Alyssa retorted hastily. She knew she owed Ellen a lot, but she couldn't tell her that. It was something she had spent nearly a year thinking about and another year trying to never think of it again. And there sat Sam Winchester, the epitome of freedom himself. The one who had taken hers away. Her eyes narrowed and she turned to look towards Ash's table again, unable to help herself.

This time she met Sam's gaze. His brows furrowed and she knew that he had actually seen her this time. It was more instinctual than anything else, and it had her running out the doors of the Roadhouse and looking for a place she could disappear to before she was recognized. There was a part of her that wanted to race back inside and slap him, to shout and scream at him for everything he had cost her but she was more concerned about staying off the radar. Not making any scenes and staying low. Her hair helped with that, since she had died it black and kept doing so whenever she saw even a hint of gold peeking through. She had hoped that she could have made it through the night, but it probably would have been smarter to disappear the second she saw Sam without giving him the chance to see her.

Alyssa was racing towards her motel on foot, seeing as it was only a few blocks away. She ran heedless of the frosted ground, nearly losing her balance on several of the icier patches. What she didn't take into consideration was the possibility that upon figuring out who she was, that Sam might try to follow her. It didn't even register as a possibility, but it should have. If she had considered, she might have found a place to hide that wasn't quite so far away. But as things stood, Alyssa was trying to make it to her motel on foot in slippery conditions when Sam chased her down.

Alyssa found herself knocked down by a six foot four giant and didn't try to fight her old friend, too busy trying to regain her breath. There was a time when they had been friends, up until his disappearance and the curse he had left her with. Sam was barely even winded as he helped her up, against her wishes and held her tight. It didn't exactly make breathing any easier.

"What are you doing here Alyssa? In a place like that?" he asked, the worry in his voice poorly disguised as he let her go.

She shot him a scowl, "What am I doing there? I think that's something I should be asking you!"

Guilt flashed across his face, but he didn't answer her question. "Why aren't you back in Stanford, getting your degree?"

"Why aren't you?" she snapped. "It's where you should be!" It was where he should have been more than a year ago. But instead he just up and disappeared.

Sam grimaced and shook his head, almost regretfully, or perhaps sadly. "No, no Stanford is the last place I should be right about now."

Alyssa scoffed harshly, turning away. "I don't want to talk to you Sam. Okay? Can we just… leave it at that?"

Sure, they'd been friends for a long time. They went to high school together, for about a month and became fast friends. And then they went to Stanford for four years. It wasn't as though a year and some misunderstandings between them would actually sever their relationship, but Alyssa wanted it to. Very badly. She knew what his reply would have been, if she had let him have it. He would have told her no, because they were friends. And no doubt he had the idea in his head that she was safe and sound back in Stanford, graduating next year with her degree.

A part of her wished she could go back to that, but it was because of Sam that her dreams had been crushed. And she didn't want to have to deal with it. But it was a surprise enough for her to see Sam there, in the Roadhouse. She knew what it meant. The only people who stepped through those doors knew about the supernatural. And that wasn't entirely accurate, because most of the people who walked through those doors hunted the supernatural that no one else believed in. Well, Alyssa had never hunted those evil things but she had spent a long time running from them. It was sort of a crash course in how to be a fugitive.

"I'm sorry."

She looked back at him, eyes wide and she stumbled back a step. Sorry? Sorry could never make up for what had happened because of him. The side of herself that she did everything to keep hidden and powerless was who spoke the truth to him. Alyssa was torn between wanting to rejoice at seeing her old friend, but she was angry too. And she didn't understand.

"Sorry?" She turned to him, directing a glare in his direction. "Sorry doesn't begin to cut it, Sam." She felt the tears in her eyes and took that moment to turn away and continue towards her motel.


	2. Dirty Little Secret

Sam wasn't quite sure what he was supposed to do. Seeing her again after a year, and when so much had happened since he last saw her, was more than just a shock. Alyssa was someone from a life he'd temporarily adopted and then had to abandon when Jess died. He couldn't say he regretted it, because he both missed it and longed for it again. He did however miss Alyssa, and he regretted being unable to keep in contact with her. What had led her to the Roadhouse of all places was a very good question. She shouldn't know a thing about hunting monsters or ghosts or whatever else. She was just a regular person. But then again, so was he. He had probably seemed just the same to her, so normal, because that was who he wanted to be and that was how he had presented himself. It wasn't easy to be normal, and sure sometimes he had that habit he couldn't kick about salting windows and doors but he did his best. And as far as Jess was concerned, they were just that. Quirks.

It was easier to pass off as being normal than he would have liked, but easy was good sometimes. Alyssa knew about his quirk, there was no way she couldn't have because she and Jess were best friends. And best friends talked about that sort of stuff. If Alyssa knew about his quirks and she knew about the supernatural too, then she would have been able to draw the proper conclusion. But since she had never brought anything like that up with him, it had to be safe to assume that Alyssa didn't really know what was going on. Until after. She was the first person he'd lost contact with. His other friends had been easier to communicate with, but those first few days away from Stanford had left him out of contact with her. It was strange, to think back on it, that right after he left he had lost contact with her. But it was plausible too, that she could have been mad at him. Hell, he deserved it. She had been his best friend, but she was Jess's too. And there was no excuse for not keeping in touch with her, especially considering how badly she probably wanted to talk to him.

Brady certainly wasn't the best person to have that sort of conversation with. Alyssa had been dating Brady for what felt like forever, but probably wasn't more than a year. Nowhere near as long as he and Jess had been together, but since high school Brady had been trying (and failing) to make the moves on Alyssa Jones. Up until their second year at Stanford. She wasn't exactly anyone exceptional; a rather quiet, but warm individual who spent almost as much time studying as Sam did. It was always nice to spend time with her. And aside from Jess, he probably missed Alyssa the most. Brady had been his best friend, but since he and Alyssa broke up things had been a little rocky between them and Sam was kind of glad he hadn't heard back from the guy. It was much nicer to see Alyssa. Even if she was pissed at him. But what had she meant that sorry could never cut it?

Had the yellow-eyed-demon gone after her too, once Sam left? But she wasn't anyone significant in his life. His best friend, sure, but she wasn't his girlfriend. And he was not in love with her. So what led her here, of all places? He returned to Dean and the Impala, climbing into the front seat and grabbing his laptop. He would have asked Ellen, but he was pretty sure that she was in full-on mom mode and he wouldn't get any worthwhile information from her. Besides, she was still mad enough over the whole episode with taking Jo on a hunt with them. Not their brightest idea, but thankfully Ellen had decided to forgive them. Or at least not hold it directly against them. Because they needed her help and Ash's more than either he or his brother would like to admit. Sure they could have managed well enough on their own but team work made things easier. It meant faster results while still being able to spend the appropriate time working on cases and saving people. Sam frowned to himself; how could he save Alyssa? She belonged back at Stanford far more than he did. Stanford was safe and it was where she belonged.

"Well is she alive?" Dean asked, pulling out of the parking spot.

Sam scowled, "What?"

"Well you didn't crush her right? I saw her run off –after you tackled her."

Sam cringed. "Jerk."

"Bitch," Dean retorted. "So did you get a new girlfriend?"

"She's a friend from Stanford," he bit out.

Dean glanced at him, "What the hell's she doing at the Roadhouse then?"

"That's what I want to know," he watched the scenery pass, more focused on the whirling thoughts in his head.

"And?"

"We're not exactly on the best of terms, Dean. I haven't talked to her since I left Stanford."

There was a brief silence as the Impala rumbled along down the road. "Do you want to stick around, figure out what's going on with her?"

Sam considered it for a moment. It would take time to figure out what was going on with her, especially considering how she seemed so reluctant to share any information with him. "No," he replied finally. "I mean it would be great, but I think she'll need some time to think things through."

Dean nodded, pulling out onto the highway and past a motel. He flicked the cassette on, eyes on the road as Metallica blasted through the small space. Sam shifted, finding a more comfortable position.

### Chapter Two, Dirty Little Secrets

Alyssa was washing dishes in the back when the small bell rang and she glanced up to see Sam entering the saloon. She frowned. It had been several weeks since she last saw him and she'd been hopeful that he wasn't going to come back. It was irrational and highly unlikely, and her hopes were dashed. If she thought that avoidance was possible, she would have avoided him but she knew that Ellen was in the back and Ash had disappeared into his room and wouldn't be out for awhile. She dried her hands off quickly, reluctantly moving out to the front.

"Can I get you anything?" she asked flatly, avoiding eye contact as she moved to the bar. Hunters were always ordering alcohol.

"Just a beer," Sam said awkwardly, looking around. Probably for Ellen or Ash. It was good to have something to occupy her mind, however briefly as she poured him his drink and slid it over. "Is Ellen or Ash around?"

"Not right now."

Sam looked down at his glass of beer, taking a drink from it. Alyssa could remember when they were both finally old enough to go for their first drinks, a bittersweet smile played across her lips. She turned away before Sam could see it or even remark upon it because that was the last thing she needed right now.

"When… will they be back?" Sam inquired awkwardly.

Alyssa looked over the counter as she saw Ellen reenter and the older woman flashed Sam a smile. "Back already?"

"Yeah, I need some help."

Sam flashed her a dimpled smile and Ellen left to go and get Ash. It was something Alyssa was more hesitant to do, mostly because it was uncomfortable to find Ash naked and his bed rumpled. There was very little that could be any more uncomfortable than that, except for if the woman happened to answer instead. Alyssa put a clean glass away, grabbing a damp one as she started to dry it. She kept her attention focused on the dishes that she was drying, intentionally ignoring Sam. Ignoring him however was just as detrimental because she became acutely aware of him, his eyes following her every move and she knew that if she looked back he would have that hurt puppy expression and a burning curiosity in his eyes. She refused to turn around, to so much as even glance at him or speak to him as she moved onto another dish.

Ellen huffed impatiently as she took the spot next to Alyssa, working on drying the dishes as well. "Ash'll be out in a minute." Unfortunately with Ellen's presence now added, it made washing the dishes go much faster and left Alyssa with nothing to do. The Roadhouse was pretty quiet in the day, and usually plenty more active at night but there were days where it was almost empty.

It wasn't long after that Ash was coming out from the back as well, a cocky smile on his lips as he took a seat next to Sam. "Well, what can I do for you Sam?"

Sam paused, turning to look at Alyssa. Her scowl fell short when she saw the hesitance and distrust that was there and she tossed the dish towel down, fully intending to give him the privacy he was asking for. Ellen reached out, effectively blocking the way that Alyssa had been intending to go.

"I trust her as much as I trust you and your brother," she said firmly.

Alyssa looked at the older woman in surprise. She knew that over the last while she had been at the Roadhouse that Ellen had begun to trust her, but she hadn't expected her to say anything like that. Let alone to Sam. Who didn't have any reason to distrust her! She had every reason to not trust him, but why couldn't he trust her? Probably because it had been a year and also because despite everything this was a part of the other's world that neither knew about. She had only recently learned who his father was and that he had raised Sam and his brother Dean in this lifestyle.

"I don't have to stick around." It was true. And although she was furious with Sam, sharing his personal information was his own business to decide. Not Ellen's and not anyone else's.

"You… might as well," he seemed to say that with great difficulty. "I mean, with the amount of time Dean and I end up spending here…"

Alyssa nodded and stepped back, agreeing to stay. "What can I do to help ya Sam?" Ash inquired.

"I need to know about other people –psychics, like me." Sam shot Alyssa a concerned look, as though expecting her to protest or argue with him but she kept silent. "I need a nationwide search, starting with the nursery fires."

It wasn't really that much of a surprise. The last time they'd gone out drinking and Sam had gotten wasted, he had mentioned something about this dream of his, where Jess was pinned to the ceiling and lit on fire. Alyssa knew enough to know that Jess had died in that fire and while she was on the road, she figured out that whatever it was that had killed Jess wasn't normal either.

"I thought not all of them had a nursery fire like you did," Ellen interjected.

"Well no, but some had to. Might as well start there."

Ash nodded, "Well, I'll be back with results," he got up and returned to the back.

Ellen headed off to the back with a quick excuse, leaving Alyssa and Sam alone in the near-empty saloon. Sam glanced away from his glass of beer to look at Alyssa. For once she didn't look away from him, wondering what he was going to say to her.

"You don't seem that surprised," he offered, finally.

"You were pretty drunk when you told me about your nightmares. I thought it was just… drunk Sam, blabbing as usual," she sighed. "And then she died and I kind of figured a couple of things out."

"Like what?"

Alyssa shot him a patronizing glance. "Like the whole monsters are real spiel." And boy, if she hadn't learned that the hard way. "And if you're wondering Sam, no, I didn't know anything about it until after you left."

Sam shifted, glancing around the bar. There were a few hunters playing pool, a low murmur of conversation traded between the two men. He turned back to her, his green eyes focused on her. "Please, just talk to me. We used to be friends, can't we… can't we try again?"

"Last time there was no trying involved Sam," Alyssa sighed. She had to remind herself that just because he was back, didn't mean that she had forgiven him. "Tell me about what you're doing here, what's going on with you?"

"That's what I'm trying to figure out," he admitted, taking a drink from his beer.

Ash came out from the back, "Got the results," he sat down beside Sam. "One Sam Winchester," he nodded at Sam, "an Andrew Gallagher, Max Miller and, uh, Scott Carey."

"You got an address?" Sam asked, sitting up.

"Kind of. The Arbor Hill cemetery in Lafayette, Indiana. Plot four eighty-six. He was killed, about a month ago."

"Killed how?" Sam pressed.

"Stabbed in a parking lot. Fuzz don't have much, no suspects."

"All right, thanks," he stood up.

For a moment, his eyes met Alyssa's and then he was headed towards the door with hardly a goodbye. A frown creased her brow, and from her peripheral vision she saw Ash reach for the rest of Sam's beer. She smacked his hand away and he shot her a hurt look as she moved it away and dumped the contents out. By the time she looked back up, Sam was already gone and Ellen stood there with a troubled expression. For just a moment, Alyssa let herself remember a time before her world came crashing down. And for that moment, she let herself hope that she would see Sam again.


	3. Chapter 3

It really shouldn't have been so surprising that Ellen knew where Jo was, but it was pleasant anyways as Alyssa got out of the car and headed into the bar. It was a long enough drive from Nebraska all the way out to Duluth, Minnesota but it was worth it to see Jo. She double checked the name of the place before she walked inside. Jo was just calling out, warning or perhaps reminding the last patrons that they were closing up soon. Alyssa still wasn't entirely sure of who's idea it was that sent her here, whether she wanted to see Jo or whether Ellen had merely sent her to check up on her daughter but either way was fine with her. Those first few weeks at the Harvelle's had gifted her with a friendship to the youngest.

"Aly!" Jo exclaimed, waving as Alyssa headed over to her. "What are you doing here?" her smile fell, "How did you even find me?"

"What, you thought you could escape Ash?" she teased. No one could disappear that well on Ash –there was always a trail or something that he could follow them with.

Jo sighed, "No, well I had hoped." She managed another smile, "Did Mom send you here to babysit me?"

"Not really sure, actually. I can't tell if it was my idea or hers that I come see you –but I'm not complaining!" She grinned at her friend.

Jo laughed, "It's good to see you too."

### Chapter Three, Call Me When You're Sober

Alyssa washed her hands, glancing at her appearance as she grabbed some paper towel to dry them. The black dye was still hiding her blonde roots, but she knew it wouldn't be long before she needed to dye it again. She gingerly set a hand on her head, touching the dry strands wistfully. She missed her natural hair color and how her hair used to be so silky smooth and soft to touch, now it was practically coarse and a dried out mess. She sighed, knowing that the loss was a little one.

She moved back towards the bar area, spotting Sam and Jo. She frowned a little, noticing the way Sam was leaning closer to Jo. A pang hit her, harder than she had ever expected anything to ever really hurt again. It shouldn't have been quite so surprising that Sam was trying to move on from Jess. It had already been a year.

Sam laughed and drew back, "Boy. You're really carrying a torch for him? I'll take that as a yes. It's too bad, 'cause see Dean he likes you, sure, but not in the way you'd want. Little Kat already has that spot taken, or didn't you know?" He paused then, and Alyssa wished she had stayed in the kitchen for longer. "I'm not trying to hurt you Jo, I'm telling you because I care."

Alyssa frowned, about to take a step, determined to stop this. Whatever it was. Something in her gut told her that this wasn't the way things were supposed to be and the way Sam was looking at Jo was enough to warrant an intervening presence. But then she noticed Jo's signal. It was something she had taught Alyssa back when she first started working at the Harvelle's and they were worried about a guy getting a little carried away. There were three signs; one meant that they were fine, two meant to be watching him and three meant go get help. Jo's fingers flashed a two –don't intervene, but keep a close eye in case the other needed help. Alyssa settled back uncomfortably, not trying to focus on ignoring their conversation but watching Jo and Sam's body language to tell if her friend needed help.

Alyssa was standing in the shadowed area that led to the kitchen, not particularly concerned if Sam did happen to look over and notice her. She hadn't heard much from either him or Dean since he'd left to go to Indiana. She relaxed when Sam got up and turned to leave, watching Jo with concern. Whatever Sam had said, was more than unnecessary. Suddenly Sam turned back, crossing over to Jo in a matter of seconds and grabbing her. Alyssa froze in shock for a moment, long for Sam to have Jo pinned against the bar. Her eyes locked onto Alyssa's as she grabbed onto the beer bottle, a silent plea in them as she attempted to swing it at Sam. He easily pinned her arm, shattering the bottle harmlessly before he slammed her head against the bar.

Alyssa wasn't a hunter. Sure, she spent her fair share of time around them and they had all taught her a few tricks. More than a few. However, she was average height and Sam was a giant. And all of her tricks were for killing monsters. Sam was still Sam, still essentially human. She couldn't fight him, not without losing. So she dialed the only number she knew who could help her, a number Ellen had given her before she left, while she raced into the kitchen and grabbed the nearest container of salt.

"Sam?" the voice was familiar, and evidently very worried about his brother. If he'd bothered to check his caller ID he might have realized that it was an unknown number.

"He's here! Duluth, Minnesota, at the Duluth Bar! He got J-" Her salt line wasn't complete and Sam slammed the door open, scattering what little she had managed to make a line out of.

Sam grabbed her, shoving her against the kitchen table. Alyssa let the cell phone drop from her hands and Sam crushed it under his boot easily, scoffing. "What kind of a fight was that? Pretty pathetic I'd say."

Alyssa didn't bother to say anything, knowing it wouldn't change anything as she studied his facial expression, not fighting his bruising grip. Was Jo okay? She hoped that she would be.

"Oh sweetie, what good did you think it would do?"

"Get out of him," Alyssa growled. There were a lot of things Alyssa didn't know about, but there was one thing she had learned to recognize. Where other hunter couldn't pinpoint what was wrong with Sam, because of the many possibilities, the only monsters Alyssa really knew anything about were the ones that had been chasing her for a year.

The demon blinked, eyes flashing black like they always did. "And how would you know it isn't me?" Alyssa struggled then, trying to put a little distance between the two of them as Sam moved closer towards her. "Hmm little Sammy here doesn't seem to think you're a hunter… you keeping secrets?"

"As if I'd tell you anything!" Alyssa snapped. It was more than fool hardy, the little room she'd managed to acquire was lost as the demon slammed her against the table, pinning her there without even having to use any supernatural power. Sam was strong enough on his own.

"Hmm… Alyssa, Alyssa, Aly- ohhhh." Sam stopped to chuckle, "The Alyssa Jones, right here before me. Wow, guess I can count myself lucky huh?"

She froze, staring up into Sam's green eyes. In the back of her mind that fear pounded, telling her that she should be running. She couldn't stay at the Roadhouse, it wouldn't be right if she did that.

"Oh sweetie," the nasty tone that Sam's voice had was downright chilling. "I'll be telling the boys downstairs about you."

For a moment, she was trapped right where the demon had her held. She didn't want to hurt Sam but she had to get away before this demon called back-up. Alyssa didn't know what was so special about her, but ever since the night Sam left, these things had been after her. And a part of her suspected that it was due entirely to Sam and that was not the reason she was mad at Sam. She was furious with her once-friend because he had abandoned her, and not only had he done that, he had left her with the blame for Jess's death. Not intentionally, never Sam –but the FBI were tracking her down because she was listed as a suspect. If Sam had spent even five more minutes around? Maybe things could be different. But as things currently stood, Alyssa could never be herself again. And to top everything off, the FBI agents who she had encountered in Arizona were not actually people. Well perhaps they were, but they had demons controlling them that seemed unusually interested in her.

Alyssa wasn't going to give them a chance to find out much about her. She had nearly been killed. And the only hope she had left, was that Sam would fix up the misunderstanding. But when she tried to call him, she couldn't get through and by the time she could, she discovered that the number no longer belonged to Sam Winchester. So she was a little more than pissed off at this point with Sam. Sure, he had his reasons. But she had her own too.

The next thing she knew, Sam had grabbed her a fistful of her hair and slammed her head against the table much as he had done to Jo earlier. Alyssa struggled futilely against the walls of blackness that descended, until they consumed her and left her in the confines of unconsciousness. She didn't wake up until there was a thundering groan as a car started up. There was a pulsing ache behind her eyes, a headache ready to turn into a migraine, and her hands and feet were tied. Duct tape seemed to have been plastered over her mouth and she was lying in the backseat, stretched out across the leather seats.

Where was Dean? She wondered. Where was Jo? Was Jo even alive? She shifted, testing the strength of her bonds to find that there was nothing she could do to escape them. Her encounter with the demons in Arizona was a little different, having left her close to death before she'd gotten away but here she was simply trapped. Alyssa kept still, trying to clear her thoughts and focus them so that she could think of a way out of this situation. Because that was the best hope she had right now.

The drive was long and uncomfortable. And it was almost a relief when the car finally came to a stop, as Alyssa waited for her opportunity to try and break free when the demon went to release her. Instead, she found that the demon was getting out of the car, locking the doors and leaving her behind. Knowing that it was futile but desperate to do anything, she waited until she was relatively sure that Sam wouldn't be returning anytime soon before she tried to kick the nearest window out. It didn't budge at all. And it was more exhausting than anything else. But that didn't diminish her fear or even reduce it.

Alyssa whimpered around the tape, feeling it pull uncomfortably much as the rope chafed her ankles the more she kicked at the window. She finally gave up, resting her feet against the window, panting heavily. If she had even felt the window so much as move, then the hopeless feeling she had been fighting might not have been so bad. But as it was, there was no opportunity for escape here. That was, until the car door was unlocked and then opened rather unexpectedly.

"What the hell –" Dean stopped himself, shaking his head. He yanked a knife out of his back pocket and sliced through the rope on her hands. And then he turned away and all but jogged into the house –leaving Alyssa to finish the rest of her situation on her own.

Which was perfectly fine as well, considering her hands were free. The first thing she did was try to ease the duct tape away, hoping that her perspiration would loosen the adhesive. It didn't, at least not enough to make a difference and she felt stinging tears come to her eyes. The demon was one clever bitch, since she had duct tapped across her mouth with an X shape. Not only that, but it was going to take a while to work the duct tape off considering she could barely open her mouth so that she could even try to work on the adhesive. Because that was supposed to work –she'd read more than one account about the liabilities of duct tape and the dangers it posed for an essay.

She worked on removing the knots from her ankles, sitting up and easing herself out of the car. Her whole body was stiff. She stood up, working on stretching and getting the kinks out of her body. Alyssa looked at the auto wrecker's in front of her, watching the house cautiously. Dean could probably handle Sam, but he could use a hand. However, she was likely to be more of a liability than an aide. And if he did manage to save Sam, there was the distinct possibility that he could need help after that. Never mind the fact that Alyssa was going to need help with the duct tape. So long as she had some lotion or something, it wouldn't be too bad to get the tape off.

She entered the house cautiously, following the tormented scream to see an older man pressing a hot poker to Sam's forearm. For one moment, she was left standing there in absolute horror, watching as the black smoke billowed out from Sam. Her heart pounded inside her chest and she found herself collapsing back against the floor. It had been a very long night. And it wasn't about to get any shorter, she gathered as she watched Dean throw a nasty right hook in Sam's direction before he passed out.

And then, it seemed to be a flurry of movement as the older hunter and Sam both realized she was still present. If she had been standing a mile away from Sam, she still would have been able to see the guilt. His shoulders dropped, and he had that hurt puppy-dog look on his face that made it unbearable. Alyssa may not have caused him the pain and sure he was inflicting it on himself, but she didn't need to see that. Some vengeance seeking ex-friend she was. She sat down on the chair that the older hunter –Bobby, she learned his name was –offered her. He handed her an old bottle of lotion and she started applying it.

Sam tried to divide his time between his brother and Alyssa, but he seemed to spend more time at Dean's side. Probably because he didn't feel quite so guilty over that one, and Dean was in rougher shape than she was anyways. Duct tape was nowhere near the same level as a gunshot wound and a couple of head punches. By the time she had the duct tape off, Sam and Dean were ready to go and she placed a quick phone call first to Jo and then to Ellen. And then she was ushered into the backseat of the Impala again, with both of the brothers for a long drive back to Nebraska. Most of which she wasn't going to remember later. But there was one snippet of conversation she overheard, somewhere in her exhaustion that stuck with her.

"Sam... you have to know something about her."

"I told you Dean, we haven't seen each other since college. It's not like I can just go up to her and ask -she's made that clear."

"She's just gonna keep popping up under foot -at least take the time to teach her something before she gets killed."

"Oh yeah?" Sam sneered. "Like the other hunters or Ellen haven't taught her a thing or two?"

"Well yeah, because I mean think of what Gordon could teach her. Or Jo. You teach her, you teach her right. Who knows what those assholes could teach her."

"Dean, drop it." The weariness and pain in those three words was surprising. "It's too complicated. And anyways, she's made it clear she doesn't want anything with me."

Could things be different, then? Right now, could this very conversation turn into something entirely different? It had always been too much to hope for. Sam had Jess, Alyssa had Brady. It had been impossible. Had been. But had been's didn't account for much now, when they weren't in the way. And it wasn't as though she had miraculously forgotten that Sam's negligence had caused this trouble in the beginning. It was just that, it suddenly didn't seem to matter quite so much. Because Sam probably had a reason. And he certainly wasn't forgiven -but it was past time for them to sit down and talk about it.


	4. Famous Last Words

They dropped off a sleeping, exhausted Alyssa at the Roadhouse before they headed over to crash at a motel. By the next morning, they were on the road again. Alyssa didn't hear from them for several weeks, which she was beginning to think was a pretty regular thing. Except that, not too long after her final shift she got a phone call.

"Aly?"

She froze at the use of her old nickname, at the fact that it was Sam who was talking to her right now. "Sam?"

"Alyssa!" The sheer happiness in his voice was surprising, as was the slur in his voice. A sure sign that Sam Winchester was absolutely drunk. Which meant that this was probably the worst time to be talking to him.

"Yeah Sam?" she asked quietly. A part of her wanted to hear what he had to say, to listen to his words and be there for him. But she also wanted to hang up the phone on him and refuse to talk until he was sober.

"I just wanted to talk. I miss you –we were best friends. What happened to us?"

She was quiet for a long moment, listening to the sound of his breathing, the awkward fidgeting and scuffling of his feet when he shifted. "This… isn't the time to have this conversation, Sam."

"I just- don't hang up –please Aly, I-I miss you."

She sighed slightly, fighting the smile that tugged at her lips. "Yeah Sam, I miss you too."

"Would you… just talk to me? Please?"

"Fine," she sighed, caving in to his plea as he probably had expected. Despite the exhaustion trying to lull her day after a long day of work, and the fact that tomorrow would be another long day, she stayed up with him almost the whole night listening to him until finally his mumbles turned into snores. Alyssa smiled shyly.

### Chapter Four, Famous Last Words

Dean woke up with a gasp, groaning as his eyes tried to focus. That was one hell of a dream. He tried to move, pain flaring through his body. How long had he been hanging here? He inhaled sharply, the pain helping him wake up more clearly. The Djinn! Memories of his attack swam past his eyes and he looked around, recognizing that he was trapped in the same run-down building as before. His breath caught as he looked at the woman hanging beside him –her chin was resting on her chest, matted red hair concealing her face. He frowned blearily; tugging at the rope experimentally, pain ripping through his arms. In his dreamland, Kat had been showing up everywhere. There was no way, but a small part of him knew that the odds weren't looking great.

"Dean!" Sam hissed, hurrying over to him a silver knife in his hands. He went to work on the rope immediately, sawing at it. He managed a weak smile, his attention on the woman next to him.

Sam pulled a needle from his neck, tossing it aside as he continued to cut at the rope. Dean saw the Djinn before his younger brother, he called out a warning but Sam wasn't fast enough and the Djinn grabbed him, forcing him to drop the knife. Dean shifted, feeling the rope give a little and with a few more tugs it gave way and he fell to his feet. Pain lanced up his arms the second he tried to move them, pins and needles biting into his hands and feet viciously.

It was over quickly as they killed the Djinn and Dean had to brace himself against the grimy floor as the room spun around him. "I-is she okay?"

Sam moved over, releasing the woman and gently lowering her to the floor as he checked on her pulse. At Sam's gasp, Dean was struggling back onto his feet and hoping that she wasn't dead. Because whoever she was, she had gotten him out of that place. He froze, seeing Sam looking up at him as he looked down at the woman he'd just been living with. At the woman who had rejected him, left him without so much as a goodbye. Katherine Calloway.

"She needs a hospital," Sam offered quietly as he felt her pulse. "I think she's lost a lot of blood Dean."

"Fine," he said stiffly.

"And you might as well get checked out while we're there Dean," Sam advised as he pulled his cell phone out, calling the emergency number.

"And what exactly are we going to say?" Dean wondered, sitting down heavily. The room was still spinning but at least not to the same degree as it had been minutes ago.

They had a story worked out by the time the emergency workers arrived, but the questions about their condition were primarily reserved for Sam seeing as he was the only uninjured one. They had agreed to say that Sam was at the motel, when Dean was mugged outside and he chased after the man who had mugged him, he'd passed out and woken in this factory. Sam had gone searching for him, using the GPS in his phone to find him and then they called for an ambulance. Dean was unable to provide them with a description of the imaginary man under the pretence of his wounds affecting him. And the next day when they came by to ask again, it was too late and Dean could barely remember anything as it all happened so fast. But thankfully the police didn't recognize their names or faces and their aliases slid by with no one the wiser.

Katherine didn't wake up until Dean was released, which was only the second day. Sam had left to go and get coffee, leaving Dean sitting on the chair beside her bed. They couldn't afford to spend anymore time in this town, but neither of the brothers were exactly willing to leave her. Sam had bought her a small bouquet of white hyacinths from the nearby flower shop, and they weren't really doing much to bring any cheer back into the room. Dean huffed out a sigh, leaning back in his chair, missing the low groan that she uttered but immediately noticing when she stirred under the blankets. Her brows furrowed and she shifted again, pushing the blanks down to her waist as she blinked blearily, wincing against the bright lights.

He watched as the panic set in, as she jerked upright and looked around the hospital room, clearly having just realized where she was. A slight smile tugged at Dean's lips as he watched her lean back, perhaps a bit dazed by her return to reality. For a moment, he wondered what she saw in her world and if she would have rather stayed there but then he reminded himself of who she was. He cleared his throat, bringing her attention to him immediately, as though she hadn't already noticed him.

She cleared her throat, "Hey Dean."

"Hey Kat," he said, his tone flat.

"Can we… let's not do this right now Dean," she sighed, laying back.

"Yeah, sure, whatever."

Her doctor came in at that moment and interviewed Kat, using her special little flashlight to make sure that she was seeing everything clearly. After a few more quick little tests, the doctor announced that she was going to be okay and she could be released whenever she wanted to. But, unsurprisingly, the doctor told her to take it easy and reminded her that the police would be contacting her to find out what had happened to her. Dean watched as Kat played it off lightly, saying that she didn't really remember much and that she just wanted to go home. Her eyes strayed to his every now and then, the pale green as familiar as ever. When the police officer finally left, leaving them alone, a heavy silence settled between them.

It had been almost two years since they'd last seen each other and Dean had been doing his best to forget about her. But there was still a pang when he met her gaze and was reminded how he had woken up alone, her empty words filling the silence of his mind. If there was anything he could ever take back, it would be those three words that night.

"So you took care of the Djinn?" she asked, not looking at him. As though it made a difference.

"Yeah, Sam and I did."

"Sam?" She looked over at him in surprise. "Wasn't he…?"

"It's been a long time Kat," he reminded her, not meeting her gaze. "Yes, he was in Stanford but he isn't now. And I don't think you have a right to really ask about that."

"Jesus Dean," she snapped, her green eyes flashing. "I'm his friend too. Or what, am I supposed to stop caring –"

"Oh sweetheart, pretty sure you stopped caring when you walked out that door."

She shot him a glower, one that would have sent many other men fleeing. Kat wasn't someone you messed with, unless your name was Dean Winchester and you had a bone to pick. Which he did, with this specific hunter.

"Oh would you take your head out of your ass for five fucking seconds Winchester!" she snapped, shooting him a dark glower. "Gah –men!"

"Well hey, no sweat off my back to save your life," he growled bitterly before leaving the room.

Sam was standing just outside, holding a two cups of coffee. Wordlessly he offered one to Dean, who took grabbed it and took off down the stairs and out to the Impala. Whether or not Sam would be coming was unimportant, he just needed a place to cool off for a bit.

Kat scowled, a torrent of emotions battering at her as Dean stormed out of the room. He had every damn reason to be pissed at her, but that didn't mean she was going to take it easily. A part of her wished that she could go back to that night and choose to do it differently, yet here she was, still suffering those well-deserved consequences. She groaned softly, glaring at the wall across from her. Dean had been the one to save her, to get her to the hospital –of course he had. And rather than try and make things up with, she just wound up picking a fight. A heavy weight settled on her shoulders and she looked at the blue sheets spread over her lap. The sooner she got out of here the better.

Sam entered the room cautiously and she glanced over at him, managing a small smile. He sure as hell looked a lot different but nearly five years could do that to a person. She hadn't seen the younger Winchester since before he'd left for Stanford. And she knew that it wasn't her right to ask why he'd left –Dean had been right about that, as much as she was reluctant to actually acknowledge that fact. He was taller than Dean now. A more genuine smile played across her lips as she had to look up at his face.

"Wow, you sure grew up!" She laughed lightly. She could still remember a time when she was looking down at him.

"I think you just got smaller," he replied with a cheeky grin as she sat down in Dean's vacated seat.

"I would hit you right now if I could," she said, mockingly prim, a grin on her face nonetheless. Times had certainly changed.

When they were younger, Kat's mother used to team up with John Winchester and it wasn't uncommon for Kat to spend time with them. She went on her first hunt with Dean when they were both sixteen, which is when their relationship had started, but looking back Kat knew that it was never a real relationship. Kat had never actually been in a relationship with a man before, never committed and didn't really want to either. And then she had gone to see Dean, finally escaping the controlling grasp of her mother and Dean was the only person on her mind. They had spent plenty of time together, but at twenty-two she had been terrified to hear those three words. It was definitely not the smartest thing she'd ever done, considering she missed her best friend. She missed the sex too, but it was mostly Dean that she missed.

"What happened to you guys?" Sam asked quietly.

"I screwed up," she admitted with a heavy sigh. "That's all."

"And you can't tell him that?"

Kat sat back up, fixing him with a glare. "Yeah maybe if he was interested in listening to me Sam!" It was a lot easier to say that she understood where Dean was coming, and to be nice when he wasn't around. It had been almost two years since she last saw him and she hardly knew how to react, aside from trying to deal with his apparent hatred towards her. It was mostly his wounded ego and shattered feelings that were speaking right now, but it still hurt.

"What happened?"

Kat shot him a look, "If you don't know, then there's a good reason it for it Sam. You might as well just go back to Dean; I'm fine to leave on my own."

"Did you ever think I might have been interested for different reasons Kat? You're practically my sister; I kinda wanted to catch up with you."

She cringed at his words. "Sorry." She exhaled softly, "This just isn't the time Sam."

"Okay, well… whenever the time comes? You have our numbers. I put them in your cell already."

She blinked, staring at him in surprise. "Thanks…"

Sam got up, "Let us, or at least me, know if anything happens okay?"

"Sorry Sam," she repeated as he left with a sad wave.

"Bye Kitty," he murmured softly. The pang that accompanied her nickname was nearly unbearable.

Once he was gone, she took a shuddery breath. She hadn't really expected to run into Dean ever again, and especially not Sam. Sam, who had gotten away, was tucked nice and safe in Stanford and making a real life for himself. What had happened? And god, seeing Dean right after… right after that? Kat didn't know how she could even fix everything but she knew that she wanted to. Because no matter what had happened between them, Dean was someone special to her. Those years ago she had made the biggest mistake in her life, and she wanted to right it.

She exhaled softly; glad that she had left the dream world the Djinn had created for her. It had been a surprise to wake up; when she thought she would rather stay in that happy place forever. A world where she was with Dean, where her mother wasn't a bitch and where she had retired from hunting. It was a world where she had Dean, where she got what she'd always wanted without screwing everything up. But now wasn't the time to worry about those things. Now was the time to get back out hunting and figure out if she could even earn Dean's forgiveness.


	5. Gonna Getcha Good

With a laugh Kat followed him into his motel room, just as eager for the alone time as Dean was. He shut the door, flicking the lock into place. It wasn't like this was the first time they'd taken off after a hunt, only to rush back to their motel. If there was anything good that could be said about John leaving Dean to hunt on his own and his brother's disappearance to Stanford, it was that they didn't have to be so sneaky and cautious all the time. John wouldn't have approved; Sam probably wouldn't have either for that matter. But none of that mattered right now, as their lips joined again and their tongues soon followed.

Clothes were tossed aside carelessly as they each explored the other's body. It would never get old. She knew just what Dean liked, and she knew what he loved the most and she relished in that feeling until he had her on her back, kissing his way along her body. No man had ever known her like Dean, and she gave a happy mewl as he teased her. Breathy laughter escaped them and they kissed again, hot and hungry for more.

"Kitty," he growled playfully as he looked up at her.

She shot him a flirty smirk, leaning down to kiss him as she brought them together, their low groans filling the motel room. It didn't matter that the walls were paper thin, or that scars mottled their flesh because it was just them. And neither of them cared. It wasn't long before they were crying each other's name in ecstasy as they writhed together. 

"I love you," Dean moaned breathlessly, seemingly unaware that he had uttered those words because in the next moment he had tensed underneath her.

### Chapter Five, Gonna Getcha Good!

Kat got her release in order and left the hospital before long, and she managed to find her way to her car in one piece to grab a change. Jeans and a t-shirt were comfortable enough for her, and practical enough for hunting too. She got in, grabbed her phone and made a call. It wasn't as though the Roadhouse was an uncommon place, and she spent the next several hours driving over and checking into one of the dingier motels long enough to take a shower. It was nice to feel clean again without feeling as though her skin had been rubbed right off in someone's attempt to keep her clean. It was a strange thought to consider, and one that she didn't spend long on.

She idly wondered if Dean ever went to the Roadhouse, but hoped that someone there knew where the Winchesters were bound. Last time she had been hanging around Dean, neither of them had known about the little place. She combed through her hair, working through the knots and tangles with practiced patience. It was getting close to needing another cut, the red strands almost grazing her shoulders. She changed into a fresh pair of jeans, tugging a plain lime-green t-shirt over her head before heading out to her car and driving over to the Roadhouse. It had been awhile since she'd last been there, as she had been occupied with several hauntings in Wisconsin before hearing about the Djinn and making a pit stop there.

It wasn't a fascinating tale to hear, about how Kat found herself involved with hunting. When she was six years old, her father had been killed by the resident ghost and she was next on the list. John Winchester was on his way to investigate and arrived shortly after, under the pretence of being a private investigator. He bustled Katherine off to stay at somewhere safe, which turned out to be with his two sons while John and her mother worked on the job together. At first John was more than irritated, but in the end Janine Calloway saved his life through what was more dumb luck than anything and he reluctantly explained everything to her. However, rather stay behind and move on with her life as she raised her daughter, Janine brought Kat along with her on hunts, much as John did with his two young sons. That was the first meeting, but not the last between the Calloways and Winchesters.

Since there wasn't much else in the world that interested Kat, she kept with hunting. She preferred working on hauntings, the simple salt and burns but it wasn't as though she hadn't run into other cases when she was older and actively working with her mother. Janine was still alive, but Kat was grateful to have escaped her mother's reaches in order to pursue her own life. And with a little more privacy. If someone asked her how her relationship with her mother was, Kat would describe it as being a good one. So long as she was several thousand miles away from the woman, but get them in the same room and all it disintegrated into fights bordering on screaming matches and slamming doors.

"Oh my god," she whispered, slamming her car into park before leaping out and running towards the wreckage. She froze a few feet from the blaze that was still smouldering, the smoke steadily rising towards the air of what had once been the Roadhouse.

Did Jo and Ellen make it out okay? What about Ash? Her hand was trembling as she pulled out her cell and dialed for the fire department. It wasn't long until sirens were filling the air and what was left of the blaze was put out. She gave them one of her less known aliases and told them what she had seen, and was left with too many unanswered questions as the fire truck pulled away. Why had no one reported the fire earlier? Whatever had happened here was no coincidence.

It wasn't even twenty minutes later when she heard the familiar roar of the Impala. She couldn't say what had made her stay, something about trying to remember those who had no doubt not made it out safely. Dean got out with another hunter she didn't recognize, an older man with a trucker's cap and a gray beard and they walked over to the remains of the building. Kat shifted nervously before walking over to them.

"Shit," Dean cursed lowly as he pulled back, knocking some of the charred wood aside.

The older hunter was standing back a ways, his eyes on her warily. She lifted a hand in greeting as she wandered over.

"What the hell are we supposed to do know?" Dean demanded crossly, turning away without even acknowledging her and stomping over to the car.

The older hunter turned away with a slight frown, following Dean. Kat didn't even hesitate in following Dean towards his car. The next thing she knew, Dean had cried out in apparent pain and was clinging to the hood of his car as he clutched his head. The older hunter looked worried too, but Kat reached Dean first, setting an uncertain steadying hand on his shoulder and ignoring the way he rolled his shoulder to try and dislodge it. His knees buckled a bit, but he caught himself on the car, gasping for a moment before raising his head.

"Are you alright?"

Kat noticed the way the older hunter seemed to also be ignoring her presence, but he was at least acknowledging her with eye contact.

"Yeah, I-I'm fine, just… a headache." Dean pulled away abruptly from her, turning to use the car to provide more distance between them. "And you can get out of here."

Kat narrowed her eyes at him. "Whatever you're doing here, Winchester is my business." It was almost a bluff –it was her business because she wanted to have a chance to make things right between them, but she knew nothing about the specifics of why Dean was here. It was probably pretty big, whatever it was.

Dean scoffed and went to say something, but instead doubled over as he clutched at his head with a groan of pain, struggling against something.

"C-could've sworn I saw something," he muttered as he righted himself, rubbing at his head.

"Like… a vision?" the older man was asking, cautiously and Dean fired a glare at him.

"No, nothing like that."

"What'd you see?"

"A-a bell, a big one. With an engraving on it."

The older hunter beat her to the question this time, "An engraving? Like what?"

"A tree, like an oak tree or something, I think."

"Come on, I know where Sam is," the older man was saying as he got into the Impala.

Sam was missing? Kat maintained eye contact with Dean, refusing to break it. "Kat, I don't have time for this right now."

"Sam's in trouble," she murmured with a sigh, stepping back. She didn't want to get in Dean's way if that was what he was worried about. Sam was too important to him.

She watched as the Impala sped away before turning back to her own car. A part of her wanted to race after them, follow them to wherever they were going but she knew better than that. She wouldn't risk throwing their whole case off for her own reasons. She just hoped that if something went wrong, that maybe she could be there for Dean. She got back into her car, pulling out her cell phone and looking at the two latest contacts that had been added before glancing back at what was left of the Roadhouse. She deleted the number before driving off, in the same direction as the Impala with no intention of following the two men although she would have liked to.

It wasn't until much later that she got a phone call. She had pulled over off the road and was nearly sound asleep when her phone went off. She fumbled for a minute, not even looking at the caller ID before she answered with a groggy: "Hello?"

"Kitty?"

"Sam?" She was sitting up, muffling her yawn with her hand.

"Yeah, i-it's me."

"What is it?" So Dean had gotten to Sam in time, saved him and all. She smiled a bit at that.

"I think maybe you should come up and… see Dean."

Kat paused for a long moment. "He doesn't even know you're calling me, or that I have your numbers does he?"

"No, but listen Kat –that's, that's not important. You should really come spend some time with him."

She frowned at that, wondering what Sam was getting at. "I'd love to Sam, if it meant I could actually have a conversation with your brother but as things stand unless I'm locked in a room with him I don't think it's going to happen."

"I could arrange that."

"Sam… I'm not trying to force myself on Dean," she chuckled a bit at the thought and Sam's laughter echoed with hers for a short moment. "I just want to talk to him, and I want him to want to listen."

"Katherine, I swear if you don't come you will regret it." It wasn't said threateningly, but with concern.

"Sam, what's going on?"

"I can't tell you, Kat. Just trust me, okay? We're in Colorado."

"Where?" she questioned, her exhaustion slipping away as she put her seatbelt on and started to drive in the direction Sam had sent her too.

She put her phone on the seat beside her, wondering what could possibly be going on. It was another long drive and she only made stops in order to grab another coffee, afraid that if she stopped for too long that by the time she got there something unspeakable would have happened.

What she didn't expect was for Dean to be waiting for her when she pulled up. He was leaning back against the motel wall, his eyes already on hers as she got out and hurried over to him. He looked exhausted, but despite that there was still the tension in the air between the two of them. It was thick and awkward, forcing silence between them.

He didn't say anything, turning from her and opening the door to go inside the motel room. Kat faltered for a minute, conflicted before following after him as she realized that she was alone with Dean. He shut the door behind her before moving towards the fridge, pulling out a beer.

"Want one?" he asked gruffly and she shook her head, taking a hesitant seat on one of the chairs at the table. Dean sat diagonal to her, popping the lid off the beer and taking a long swallow.

"What's going on?" she asked, afraid to let the silence simmer any longer between the two of them.

Dean looked at her, turning the bottle a little in his hands, the condensation running down the sides of it. There was a frightening emotion in his eyes, one that she couldn't quite place. "What are you doing back here, Kitty?"

She couldn't fight the smile that crossed her features at the use of her nickname. It had been such a long time since anyone had called her that. "I… things haven't been right between us Dean and I just… I would like to make them right."

He scoffed, taking another long drink from his beer. "Yeah, because you can make up for anything right?"

"No," Kat said quietly. "This… this is me trying to make it right. I can't fix what I did Dean, but I was stupid and young and I'm sorry, okay? I never wanted to hurt you."

He barked out a laugh, "It didn't hurt so much, that you didn't say those words," he looked at her then, an intense stare. "What hurt was that you snuck out, left me there thinking that everything was okay, and it was going to be okay. You weren't just some one night stand –I thought I'd made that pretty clear!" He stopped himself suddenly, taking a deep breath. "But when I woke up, you weren't there. No note, no voicemail, no nothing."

Kat dropped her gaze from his. "I know, I screwed up." And she'd been living with that guilt for years now, knowing just how pissed Dean was at her was a little different and a little more painful to realize that he was doing it because his heart was still hurting. "I got… scared," she replied quietly, knowing that it wouldn't change anything.

It wasn't an excuse because she could never excuse what she had done. Dean had been her best friend for years, and for all intents and purposes he was her first boyfriend. He had been there for her through everything, through so much, whenever she needed him. And she was there for him when he needed her, when Sam left to Stanford and John left him. Kat was there for him. Until he said those three little words and she found herself more terrified than she had ever been before, that she couldn't deal with that level of affection. It wouldn't have changed anything. And Dean had been in his right to express himself. But Kat knew, she knew, that the wound she had caused wasn't a small one. And she knew that no words or explanations could make up for that.

"I miss you Dean, I've missed you and I screwed everything up. You have every right to kick me out the door but… I don't want to leave, not this time. I've grown up Dean. I'm not here… looking for, or expecting anything. I just," she frowned down at her hands, "I want to make things okay between us again."

"You really think things can be okay?" he asked dubiously, his dark green eyes on hers as he set his beer aside. There was weariness in his expression, and his eyes were guarded. Time had changed them both, she reminded herself. He wasn't the same person she knew and she certainly wasn't the same person he knew either.

"I hope so," she confessed, looking up at him.

Dean was quiet for a moment, turning away to look at something. "So what exactly were you scared of Kat?"

She frowned a bit at that. "I-I don't know exactly."

"Really?" he got out of his chair, putting some space between them. "You don't know," he mocked. "It's not like I was going to fucking leave you Kitty."

"That's not what I was afraid of," she protested, getting up as well. "Dean, please…"

"No. Tell me what you were afraid of –I need to hear it."

"Well maybe I don't want to tell you that," she bristled. Because she didn't. It was embarrassing and stupid and to this day, she couldn't understand it.

"I think you at least owe me that much!" he growled, glaring at her. "You walked out on me Kitty –you wanna walk right back in? You tell me what the hell scared you off last time. Because I sure as hell never pegged you as a coward, and while I'm being honest, I don't actually believe that you got 'scared off'."

She wasn't exactly sure when she had moved over to Dean, but she was standing in front of him before he had even finished speaking. "I'm not a coward. And you damn well know it, Winchester."

"Really?" he smirked down at her, "You said you were scared Kitty –what of? Losing me –maybe you thought I was just going to haul you around with me and you were scared of losing your independence. So which is it Kat? Huh?"

"It's nothing like that!" she snapped back.

"Well I wasn't the one who said you were scared princess so what's got you so upset?" he goaded, his eyes on her as he took a step closer to her.

Kitty lashed out, her palm slapping onto his chest to keep the distance between them. "You're the one who's making me upset!" It was a weak protest, and she knew that Dean didn't even buy it, but the smirk that lit up his eyes was too infuriating to ignore. "And damn you Dean! I'm not upset –I'm mad!"

"What're you so mad about?"

"Well the fact that you're asking as though you don't care, for one! And because –Dean!" she growled in frustration as he went to turn away from her. "I just want us to be friends!"

"And I just want to know what sent you running last time so I can expect it this time! What were you so afraid of, huh?"

When she didn't answer, he made a disgusted sound, turning as though to truly leave her there. "I was afraid of losing you goddamit!" she shouted, her hands in fists at her sides as she refused to look at him. Out of her peripheral vision, she could see that he had turned to look back towards her but she couldn't make out his expression. "It's stupid and pathetic, yeah," she scoffed, looking away. "I was scared that staying with you would have destroyed us faster than me leaving. I didn't know what to do Dean! And I made a mistake, because I was some stupid idiot."

The next moment, she felt his hands on her arms, turning her back towards him. "What do you mean by that?"

She avoided looking at his eyes, instead staring at his chest. A part of her wondered how much more toned he was than when she had last been with him, and a shudder passed through her involuntarily at the memory of before this mess. "I mean we were never exactly serious. Both of our parents would have murdered us. And I know you were with other women, I didn't stop you from that and you didn't stop me from the other men. That was fine, but…" But if they had ever gotten together, tried to be serious, could they have survived it? At the time, it made sense that if she left she could return, opposed to having Dean break her heart to the point where she couldn't come back.

She was an idiot. She knew it. And her idea, naïve as it was, backfired. Unsurprisingly and rightfully. She'd done more damage. And she had done all of that, without ever knowing how they could have been if they'd been together.

He laughed, but the sound of it was flat and humourless. "That's why you left?"

She nodded silently, afraid to look at him, afraid to see the amusement and frustration and possibly hate behind his eyes. But the last thing she expected was to find his arms wrapping around her.


	6. Smooth Criminal

That morning when Kat woke up, she knew something was wrong. She rolled over, closer to Dean, frowning when there was nothing but a cold spot where a warm body should have been. She reached over, patting his side of the bed until her hand found the pillow he'd been using. She clenched her hand very slowly, biting her lower lip and attempting to keep her tears in check but she couldn't help the few that rolled down her cheeks in misery. She opened her mouth, shakily exhaling before getting out of the bed and dressing, feeling ashamed of herself for having hoped. Obviously, there was no making this right. Dean couldn't ever forgive her –and she didn't even know what she was supposed to do about his pigheadedness either. But she knew what she wasn't going to do.

She wasn't going to hunt him down and shoot him. She wasn't going to curl up in a ball and cry. No, it was probably time enough to move on and find a hunt to distract her. Maybe several hauntings. That sounded good. Ghosts she could deal with right now. Ghosts she knew how to handle. People were a bit more of a mystery to her, right now. Honestly, she hadn't expected to wake up alone. And it wasn't as though this was her first fight with Dean, but that damn Winchester… he sure knew how to make her hurt. She had tried to amend her mistake yesterday. Dean had actually accepted it. But now, it seemed pretty clear that he wasn't interested beyond that.

She moved over to the window, brushing the curtain aside so she could see if the Impala was still there. All she could see were red brake lights in the distance.

### Chapter Six, Smooth Criminal

Alyssa wasn't sure how long it had been anymore. At one point it had just been a few hours, but now those hours were really starting to be drug out and her nerves and anxiety were sky high. That was, until, the door opened and she watched as the same agent who had apprehended her walked Sam and Dean Winchester right into the cell across from her own. She was curled up on her own cot, wrists and ankles handcuffed together as a mark of the fight she'd put up to try and escape.

"A-Alyssa?!" Sam was shuffling forward before the FBI agent had even left the room, and he nearly tripped Dean up in his haste to move closer.

"Hi," she said quietly, smiling at them from between the bars.

"You're alive!"

She frowned, "Yeah…? Generally people only live once."

"You don't know… ab-about the Roadhouse." Sam exhaled heavily, turning to look back at Dean. His brother was staring at the floor.

"What about it?"

"It burned down. Ash didn't make it –Ellen's okay though."

"It-it… Ash's dead?" That wasn't exactly the easiest news to take.

"Where've you been?" Sam urged, worry evident on his face.

Alyssa turned away from him, trying to sort out her feelings. She wondered if the demons had gone after the Roadhouse because of her connections to it. Had she led them there? Had they found her trail and wound up there? She looked back at him, the way his gaze was on her, the desperation painted on both of the Winchester's faces.

"I've been hiding."

"From what?" Dean sneered, looking over at her dubiously.

"Demons," she snapped back. "Okay? Demons. And they got me, alright."

"Listen, sweetheart," he said patronizingly, "I don't mean to break it you but these guys are just glorified cops. They aren't demons."

"Not the ones here," Alyssa agreed. "But there are some of them that are possessed. I would have thought that was something you might have been a bit more aware of."

"Alyssa," Sam said soothingly. "Aly, what do you mean? Why is the FBI after you? Why are demons after you?"

Now was not the time. Now was the worst possible time for this question to come up. But there it was. And here was the moment. "I don't know Sam, why don't you tell me?" She hated herself, a little bit, for the snarky tone that lashed out. But it felt good.

His eyes widened in surprise, "What do you mean?"

"I mean that for one, the FBI somehow seems to think that I'm behind Jess's death. And it's not exactly like you've been around to help clear up that little misunderstanding and neither are you exactly trustworthy enough to cover it up. Why the hell are demons after me, Sam? You tell me. Because they didn't show up until the night after you left, when next thing I know the FBI's showing up at my door and dragging me off in cuffs.

"Only they aren't taking me to any prison or holding facility, no, because god that would be too simple wouldn't it? No, they took me out to Nevada, in the middle of nowhere to kill me! They had their guns drawn, but you know what the assholes wouldn't do?" Alyssa couldn't help the way her voice had risen to an almost shrill level, nor could she stop the tears that were in her eyes as she remembered. "They wouldn't just kill me, because that would ruin the fun of the chase. So they hunted me down, every night. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't even eat. I-I don't even remember how I made it to Arizona, or when I broke into that mall and dyed my hair. When I stole clothes from thrift stores so that I could disappear.

"Because the only thing they wanted was to get a few kicks out of killing me. Now I don't know why the FBI wants me, or why they're possessed by demons or why they're hunting me down. But this started when you left. And I tried, the minute I could, to call you, looking for some help, for you to clear this up for me –I mean goddamit Sam you were my best friend! And your number? Was disconnected." Sam had always been there the moment she needed him, but when her life was at stake and she went to call her best friend knowing that he was the only one who could help her… she had no way to get in contact with him again. He hadn't even left her a number that she could use. And sure, she knew that he had his reasons, but it didn't exactly help her feel any better.

"Alyssa…"

She turned away from his voice, staring at the wall in her cell. He could apologize, and he would mean it. She had already forgiven him. But it was so hard to not be mad at him. It was so hard to not be scared, to not relive those moments when she was in Nevada with nowhere to go and no one to help her and the authority figures she had spent her life respecting, shooting at her as though it was just a game. She figured it out in Arizona that they weren't who they seemed to be, she figured out that she needed to learn a little bit more and after a lot of digging, she found what she needed. She found her answers, learned they were demons. But it never really made sense about why.

"I'm so sorry…"

She glanced over at him, noticing the way his head was resting against the bars that separated them. Dean was sitting on the bed, his feet stretched out so that the chains connecting them didn't trip either of them up. Alyssa managed a small smile in Sam's direction.

"I know, you… you didn't know. And that's okay."

"I can… I can fix this," he protested quietly.

"No, you can't. Not anymore. Considering you're here, but thank you." A more genuine smile tugged at her lips. "We'll have to talk again Sam, about… what happens next." If there was a next. If they didn't just walk down and shoot her like a dog. She would really like to make things better between her and Sam, now that the truth was out there.

The door creaked open and Sam stepped back quickly, sitting down beside Dean. Alyssa shifted, turning away to stare into the darkness. Henriksen walked down the stairs, his smug posture enough to send a crippling fear through Alyssa. There was no way out of here. She found the irrational panic that was creeping in, taking a deep breath to try and keep it at a distance. She didn't want to die and if there was one thing she knew it was that the FBI were not trustworthy, no one was. She curled back further on her cot, in the darkest recess, keeping her eyes on Henriksen as he walked over to the Winchesters.

"Well, well, well. I've got the Winchesters and a firebug, isn't that right sweetheart," he sneered, looking at her. He positioned himself so that it was a short walk between the Winchester's cell to hers.

Alyssa focused on breathing, letting Henriksen's gloating wash over her. She couldn't afford to pay it any attention, to let it bother her. She heard him leave, heard the helicopter over head and she knew that she wouldn't be leaving this building alive. Her fears were proven right when a nother law officer arrived, baring a gun and raving. And when his eyes flashed black and he took aim, she screamed.

It took a while to sort out and Alyssa was grateful to be left alone while Henriksen demanded answers, and even when Nancy came down with a towel and Sam stole the rosary from her. She felt no safer. The night quickly proved to be a long one, but between the adrenaline and her own shock, she had little trouble remaining awake. She watched in horror as the demons parted, letting the beautiful blonde woman walk up. She watched as Sam wiped out the salt line; let her in before putting it back in place. Felt nauseous at the suggestion that they use Nancy to wipe out the demon horde outside, felt pride when they came up with an alternate plan that didn't involve killing an innocent virgin.

Even though Henriksen believed them after he himself was possessed, Alyssa was not happy to be teamed up with the FBI agent. He knew even less about her than what he knew about the Winchesters, beyond what his orders said, which were that she was to be taken in for questioning due to her connection to Jessica Moore's death. Sam had only shot the agent an almost amused smile at the absurdity of the situation and stated that Alyssa had no part to play in it, before they were being divided up and sent to defend the entry points. She wasn't totally unfamiliar with guns, having learned more than enough in order to keep herself safe and she knew enough from working with Jo and a few other hunters on the odd case here and there to be less than useless. But Henriksen's training proved to excel as he fired rock salt rounds into the possessed men and women as they walked in.

By the end of the night, Alyssa's bruised and battered body told her petulantly that she was not a hunter. She was not cut out for this lifestyle anymore than anyone else was, but this wasn't what she was supposed to be doing with her life. She looked towards the Winchester brothers, wondering what their connection with that demon was exactly. She trusted their judgement, but she didn't trust demons. No demon was trustworthy.

Alyssa was shuffled off to leave with the Winchesters, Henriksen promising to do what he could to clear her name for her. She caught Sam's gaze several times and knew that there was a long conversation ahead for her. Dean left them alone with only a crude joke before he was gone to go and get breakfast for them while the sun rose.

"I'm sorry," Sam said quietly, breaking the silence that was lingering between them.

Alyssa managed a bittersweet smile in his direction, "I know. And we can't change it, now. It's too late, but we can… I don't want to lose you again, Sam." She turned towards him, squeezing the washcloth between her hands as she washed them. "It's been a long time. Could we just… can we catch up? Be friends again?"

Sam smiled back warmly, "Of course we can."

Never mind the fact that nearly a year ago when he'd asked her this question himself, she had cut him down brutally. But there was an understanding between, like always. Sam hadn't known and Alyssa had been angry, but it was difficult to stay mad at him for long. Especially considering how things had been, before he was torn away from Stanford.


	7. Lips of an Angel

### Chapter Seven, Lips of an Angel

When they first met, it was a few weeks before graduation. Sam had seen her around before, but didn't really pay much attention. He was too focused on studying for his SATs. One particular afternoon he left Brady and his friends who were goofing off, relaxing because they still had time to get more studying in, to go to the library and get more studying done. He sat down at a vacant table, grateful to the silence of the library. His attention was drawn however to a classmate who was sitting at the table in front of him, papers spread around her as she studied them. By the variance in text books that were piled next to her, Sam knew that she wasn't just studying for some final test.

That pattern stayed the same for about a day or two and the next thing Sam knew, Brady started to tag along with him. Brady never studied until the last minute. His parents were rich enough that Brady's scores never mattered either, they could have gotten him into any school he wanted to be in. But when Brady tagged along, Sam was pretty sure it was the first time that he had ever actually seen his friend study and put effort in. And it didn't take him long to find out why, or rather for Brady to tell him why.

It was at the end of English when Brady elbowed him sharply in the side. "So you spend a lot of time in the library, yeah?"

Sam looked at him, "Why?"

Brady squirmed a bit, looking away casually. "Just wondering if you've talked to Alyssa at all."

Alyssa…? "What're you getting at Brady?" he replied, smiling at his friend. He elbowed him back lightly as he packed up his bag.

"She's my partner in chem., and I just… I couldn't take being rejected again! You know how that goes. C'mon Sam, help a guy out?"

Sam laughed, "You want me to ask her out for you?" he asked incredulously.

"No! No, just… could you make sure she's single?"

"If she's your lab partner why don't you just ask her yourself Brady?" He got up.

"Dude come on –I asked Eliza out to that party for you."

Sam rolled his eyes, "Fine. If it means that much to you…"

So that lunch break, Sam found himself sitting across from her. Brady hadn't come to the library, presumably scared off by the fear of rejection. Alyssa looked up from her books, her blue eyes wide in surprise, but she offered him a small smile, moving her books aside to give him some space. "Sorry about that, no one usually sits here," she laughed nervously.

"Its fine," Sam told her, smiling back. She was pretty cute –and that thought was a bit shocking. He was going to prom with Eliza after all, and they were practically dating even though Sam still wasn't sure if his dad was going to let him stay here long enough to actually graduate with his classmates of the month.

Alyssa turned back to her books and Sam caught sight of Brady, standing out in the hallway, looking at Sam expectantly. He rolled his eyes. "Alyssa, right?"

She looked up at him in surprise, "Yeah?"

"Are you single?"

She blinked in surprise. "W-why the sudden interest Sam?"

How did she know his name? As far as he knew they had never interacted with one another until now. He smiled gently at her, "Look, my friend Brady, you know him right?" She nodded. "Well he's too much of a coward to ask you this himself, so he got me to do it for him. And he was wondering if you were single."

Alyssa frowned but there was a smile on her lips. Hopefully a good sign for Brady. "I'm single, and I don't have a date for prom. But you can't tell him that," she looked up at him, her bright blue eyes twinkling. "If he wants to know himself, he better ask me himself."

"Cool, then I'll just let him know to ask you in chem.," Sam chuckled warmly.

Alyssa smiled softly at him before turning back to her papers. "Are you going to study with me today? I mean, it… would be beneficial to both of us, right?"

Sam blinked in surprise. "Sure, I'll study with you."

 

 

A month later, Sam was enrolled in a completely different school where he graduated with a class of strangers. He got his SAT results back and was more than grateful to realize that they were beyond his expectations (a tiny part of him was worried that he'd failed) and he got the acceptance letter to Stanford within the week. And it wasn't as though he hid the fact that he'd been accepted from Dean and his father… he was just waiting for the right moment to let them know. But that moment didn't really arrive. And Sam kind of procrastinated about it, reminding himself that he had plenty of time to let them know. However, in the middle of a fight with his father, he had shouted it out and left earlier than he intended.

The first days were a little rough and the rest of the summer was pretty difficult to adjust to. But, by the time classes had started, he'd gotten used to being on his own and more than enjoyed it. It was orientation when he saw her next, a notebook out as she looked a little lost and he went over to her.

"Hey!" he said warmly, smiling brightly at her. It was so good to see a familiar face here.

"Sam?" she asked incredulously, looking up at him. "Oh it is you!"

He beamed at her, "Yeah, I made it here! And so did you by the looks of it. What program?"

"Law, you?"

"Same!" he laughed.

Alyssa giggled and hugged him suddenly. "You just disappeared! Where've you been?"

"Around," he replied evasively. "My dad was pretty big on secrecy, never liked to stay in one place for long," he added casually. "What've you been up to since I saw you?"

"Oh well I'm here with Brady –not like that," she added hastily. "He didn't work up the nerve to talk to me until prom so we're just friends."

"Takin' it slow, right babe?" Brady laughed, sauntering over to them, a plastic plate in each hand.

Alyssa rolled her eyes, stepping back, "Honestly Brady."

Sam smiled warmly at them and it took Brady a moment to recognize him. "Sam! You made it! Wh-where have you been?" he laughed, shuffling the plates around but Alyssa saved him the dilemma by taking one of the plates and Brady pulled Sam into a hug.

"Sorry, my dad," he said by way of explanation when Brady stepped back. "I would've let you know if I could have."

"Ah, it's alright –at least you're here now."

"Full ride scholarship," he added with a smirk.

"No way," Brady groaned. "How did I get stuck with two geniuses like you guys?"

Alyssa laughed softly, "It's not a quite a full-ride for me."

Brady snorted, "Three quarters of it, they guaranteed you a dorm room if you got a little cash together."

"Yeah, unlike you who just bought you way in," she teased. "I mean honestly, some people have to work at this Brady!"

Sam laughed, sitting down on the grassy knoll with them. "What do you mean you bought you way in Brady?"

"Turns out I didn't do so hot on those tests," he chuckled. "Dad paid for me to get here, pulled a few strings, you know…"

"Why Stanford?" Sam asked. "I thought you wanted to go into business at Harvard."

"Well yeah, but…" he glanced at Alyssa and smiled charmingly, "Harvard doesn't have Alyssa Jones."

Alyssa rolled her eyes, shaking her head, "It has plenty more interesting people there Brady. And enough with your cheesy lines!"

"But you know you love them," he whined, bumping his shoulder against hers.

Sam got up abruptly, "Think I'm going to get some food." He left quickly to join the line of first years. He frowned to himself. He had certainly missed a lot, in one month and a bit. Alyssa and Brady were friends now which was a lot closer than when he'd left them but why did he even care? Alyssa was his friend and so was Brady and he was more than happy to see the two of them here.

 

 

Over summer break stayed behind in California, got a job and spent his time as a cashier at a supermarket. He saved what he could, and used the rest to pay his rent at a nearby apartment. He was grateful when school started up again, to leave the apartment and go back to his dorm room which he was now sharing with Brady. He was more than a little surprised to say the least that Brady hadn't dropped out of first year –he had struggled through a few classes, but other than that done alright. Unlike Sam and Alyssa, who were quite the pair of shining pupils in their classes.

It was a few weeks later when Alyssa showed up for the first day of classes and Brady dragged them all out to the campus bar for celebratory drinks despite Sam's protests about class being the next day. Alyssa reluctantly took a shot and Sam did as well while Brady downed about four of them, laughed as Alyssa choked and coughed on her first tequila shot. Sam had a little less difficulty, having had the occasional drink with Dean after a hunt when their dad was passed out. He scowled, ordered another drink and downed it.

He was right, by the next day he was regretting those drinks. Sam was almost late and didn't have a choice in seating, as he sat down beside a pretty blonde girl he thought he'd seen around before.

"I'm Sam," he offered softly as he sat down beside her.

"Jessica, but my friends call me Jess," she replied with a radiant smile.

 

 

Alyssa was more than a little shocked when Sam's new friend Jess started showing up to every study group and lunch date they made. She took a slow sip on her ice tea, listening to Jess talk animatedly about how Sam had managed to stop a fight between these two guys in their sociology class and how amazing he was. Sam would blush a little, and laugh it off, but there was that stupid smile on his face. After it became clear that Jess was sticking around, Alyssa made sure that she either went with Brady or didn't go at all. And it wasn't long after that Sam and Jess started dating.

Alyssa did her best to be happy for him, when she was around him, but when she wasn't, she was happy for him from afar. Sam didn't really notice either, as he and Jess were practically together all the time. After a few weeks of avoiding her best friend though, Alyssa sucked it up. Because Sam was happy with this girlfriend of his and she should be happy for him and so she tried.

"Hey, do you want to maybe come over for Christmas?" Brady asked as they sat together in the library. He didn't have to study with her, but so long as he was free at the same time as her, he was often doing the same thing she was. "I mean my family dinners suck. And it would be really great to have a friend with me…"

Alyssa looked up at him and smiled gently. "Sure, that sounds nice." Better than her own non-existent plans considering her parents were on holiday in Florida.

Brady beamed, "Awesome!"

When they came back from Christmas break, they were officially dating. Sam was more than a little surprised, having never really believed that Alyssa and Brady were even remotely compatible. But he congratulated his friends, and so did Jess. Jess was the first one to suggest double-dating, her eyes bright and Alyssa agreed happily. They were all friends at least, and going out to dinner was a good idea.

Jess dragged Alyssa into conversation and in moments they were like sisters who had been parted at birth. Brady was smiling, watching their girlfriends chat away as he poked at the ice in his coke. Sam listened idly, made a few comments here and there and decided that he was going to try and avoid going on double dates often unless he wanted to sit and listen his girlfriend and best friend talk about everything under the sun. But he didn't mind. He squeezes Jess's hand lightly and she giggled at something Alyssa had said, shifting to lean against Sam and idly playing with his hand.

 

 

Spring break came before long and Brady went off on a family vacation, leaving Alyssa behind. Likewise, Jess was flown home without Sam. It was the first time in quite a while that Sam and Alyssa had any time to them, and even rarer it was almost the first time they could spend with just them. Mostly they did homework.

Jess had been renting a two bedroom apartment in the city, and about two months into their relationship Sam had moved in with her, leaving Brady with a dorm room to himself. However, about a month after Sam had left and with an allowance going to waste, Brady rented out an apartment as well where he had been staying. Alyssa was the only one who still had a dorm room and was content to stay there while she spent her summers at home working to save up enough money so that upon graduation she could have a good start. By the time summer break rolled around, Sam was keeping up payments on Jess's apartment and Brady's family had paid for his apartment so it would still be there when he got back.

Alyssa went home and worked as a secretary at the SPCA. Every two weeks Brady made sure to drop by and romance her and it was amazing. Every time he dropped by to see her, it was something different. He started off with flowers and cheesy romance songs before moving to bouquets and cheesy poems. It wasn't much better, but then he started to add chocolates and romantic dinners and late nights into the mix and soon it was perfect and Alyssa couldn't wait to see him again. And she definitely couldn't wait to go back to school either.

That summer she went back a little earlier than she had to, and made sure that she went out for drinks with Sam. Just the two of them, since she had exchanged only about a hundred emails with him since April. It was good to catch up, and it was even better to watch Sam get hammered for the first time.

"J-Jess's gonna be pissed huh?" he laughed.

Alyssa giggled, "I don't know, I think she might like to see this side of you." She was certainly enjoying it.

"I love her," he confessed. "I would marry her if I could, I think. She's amazing!" He paused, looking at her as she helped walk him back to his apartment. "You're amazing too! I love you!"

That was a little strange to hear and she looked at him with a furrowed brow and awkwardly replied, "Love you too Sam…"

He laughed brightly and they stumbled back to his apartment where Jess was. She had come back a week earlier. And Alyssa was right, Jess wasn't mad but she was very amused at Sam's drunken declarations of love and awesomeness and as he sang her praises, Alyssa excused herself and went back to Brady's apartment. He'd given her a spare key the last time she had seen him and since Stanford wasn't open yet, she didn't have her dorm room set up.

 

 

Alyssa had no classes with Sam since he was going to be a lawyer and she wanted to do something more along the lines of working with the criminally insane –it seemed fascinating to her. But despite their lack of class time, it seemed like they were spending more time together. She loved Jess and was looking forward to hearing about Sam's proposal because it was obvious that it was going to happen eventually. He was head over heels in love with her and Jess loved him, despite how he never told anyone about his family and there was a lot of stuff he didn't talk about. They were just about perfect for each other, and Alyssa couldn't be happier for them. Brady however was busy with his essays and she hardly saw him unless she was spending the night at his apartment.

Everything changed after spring break though. By that time, her roommate had kicked her out of their dorm so she was living at Brady's. He had the obligatory family vacation to go to, this time somewhere down in New Orleans if she remembered right. Jess left as well, with Sam, to see her family. Alyssa spent the next several days on her own, just going to see the odd movie at the theatre before tackling her homework and getting ahead in her classes. It was boring, but all of her friends had left for spring break.

Sam and Jessica came back first, and it wasn't until a week later that Alyssa even heard back from Brady. When she got home from her night class, there was a new message on the answering machine; she hit play, setting her purse and books down.

"Hey babe, it's me. I… I've been busy, sorry I haven't called you back. Anyways, I'll be home soon. See ya."

Alyssa stared at the phone, as though willing it to give her the answers she wanted. He'd been busy? She had been phoning him in a panic ever since he didn't get off the plane he was supposed to have been on! She scowled. Something seemed off, this wasn't like Brady. He used to phone her every night and whenever he left a message, he was unusually sweet. Something must have happened.

Alyssa uneasily went to sleep and repeated her usual routine, heading to school. Upon returning that evening, she discovered a letter of official withdrawal addressed to Brady. None of this made any sense. It wouldn't be another three days until she saw her boyfriend, stumbling into the bedroom at three in the morning.

His fumbling movements were clumsy and his words weren't sweet or consoling. He flopped down onto the bed beside her, promptly ignored her and went to sleep. Feeling utterly disgusted, she took the spare blankets from the closet and slept on the couch that night.

"Shit," Brady swore under his breath as he stirred his coffee.

Alyssa sat up bolt upright, looking at him accusingly. "Where have you been?!"

"New Orleans, jeez, it's no big deal babe. I thought you could handle it."

"You never phoned me back!" she reminded him, distressed. "I waited for you at the airport and you never came –you could have at least called."

Brady groaned, "Do you never shut up?"

Alyssa flinched, staring at him in shock. "E-excuse me?"

"You heard me. It's been nag, nag, nag ever since I got in this morning. Would it kill you to be happy to see me? We are dating right?"

Alyssa stared at him in disbelief. "A-are you drunk? Or-or stoned?! What the hell Brady!"

He groaned again, setting his coffee aside. "Just shut up," he growled quietly. "I can't even think with all your yelling."

Alyssa stared at him in disbelief and before she was really conscious of what she was doing, she was standing in front of him and trying to get him to look at her, to make eye contact, something so she could see that his eyes were clear. She didn't want to see the glassy, glazed stoned appearance in them that she knew came with drugs.

"You're high aren't you?" she asked, dismayed. "What happened in New Orleans Brady, I mean you w-wouldn't do this."

"How do you know what I would or wouldn't do?!" he snarled, shoving her back. "It's my business, not yours what the hell I do."

A small screech was all she managed to get out of her throat before he had her pinned against the couch with his hands around her neck. She struggled to inhale but he tightened his gasp and she kicked her legs in vain as he shoved them to the side, setting his knee over them to stop her movements. Her arms were trapped under her own body weight, she gasped desperately for air and suddenly his hands were gone and she inhaled deeply, gasping.

The next thing she was aware of was the door slamming shut behind him.

Alyssa didn't even bother packing up all of her belongings; she took a change of clothes and some other valuables before leaving the apartment. Feeling spiteful, she left the spare key lying right in front of their door before she headed to the only other place she knew. Self-consciously she adjusted her hair and kept her head down, trying to hide the bruises as she hurried over to Sam and Jess's apartment. Tomorrow she could figure out a better solution, but for now this was the only feasible one.

She knocked on the door, oblivious to the way her hand was shaking and the tears that had started to roll down her cheeks. She didn't care who opened the door –Sam, Jess, it didn't matter, and the instant the door opened she was hugging the first person who was there. And judging by the fact that her face was pressed against a shoulder instead of air, she knew that it was Sam. She inhaled deeply, trying to get her emotions under control, before stepping back. He was looking at her with wide eyes.

"A-are you okay?" he asked concernedly.

Alyssa shook her head, biting her trembling lip. "C-could I stay here?"

"U-uh, of course," he replied, stepping back, looking for Jess probably as she came inside.

Alyssa went straight to the living room, sitting down on the couch and curling up as she shook in fear. She didn't honestly think that Brady would have ever done something like that. But that… that wasn't Brady. Since spring break, since he hadn't taken the flight back… It wasn't Brady anymore. He had clearly changed into someone a lot less sweet and romantic and Alyssa wanted nothing to do with him.

She glanced over, spotting Sam talking to Jess. Her friend was already in her pajamas; an old Smurfette shirt with white shorts. She caught Jess's worried look and suddenly her best friend was moving towards her, hugging her and Sam was sent out to the kitchen probably to get chocolate or ice cream or something.

"Aly, what's going on?" Jess asked concernedly. "Did you and Brady break up? Is he back?"

Alyssa nodded awkwardly, "He-he um, got in la-last night b-but he's not the Brady we knew anymore," she mumbled, feeling the tears escape. She blinked rapidly, taking a deep breath, trying to get them to stop but she was just so scared.

"What do you mean?" Jess asked, moving over and gently rubbing her back.

Unable to explain it despite the few tries she took, Alyssa just moved her hair aside to show Jess the bruises that she knew were forming. Her throat felt hoarse and she could swear she could still feel his hands cutting her oxygen off. She burst into tears and Jess wrapped her arms around her, holding her close as she cried. It was the scariest feeling she had ever felt. That man in her apartment wasn't someone she knew –he was a complete stranger. Because the man she had been falling in love with, would never do that.

Sam re-entered the room awkwardly, a bowl of ice cream in one hand. Jess made a gesture –Alyssa couldn't see what it was –and Sam sat down beside her. It took about fifteen minutes for her to settle down and two bowls of ice cream before they could get the full story out of her. Sam agreed that something had to be done and he decided that tomorrow he would go and talk to Brady, see if he could figure out what was wrong while Alyssa and Jess went and filed charges.

An hour later, Jess was apologizing and calling it a night because she had an exam first thing the next morning and she left to go to sleep. Sam however stayed right beside Alyssa.

"D-don't you have an early class tomorrow?" Alyssa asked her breathing back to normal. Her body had finally stopped shaking and she felt exhausted.

"Yeah, but it's nothing important. I want to make sure you're okay –besides I can nap later but I can't make up this time with you right now. You need someone," he added gently.

Alyssa nodded, hugging him tightly. Sam wrapped his arms around her, holding her close and she was surprised by how safe she felt. How… right this felt, being held by Sam. She inhaled gently, catching his familiar scent with just a light minty undertone.

Sam pulled back gently and Alyssa reluctantly let go of him, looking at him. At his green eyes, at his lips and the way he was smiling warmly at her. And she realized that there was something different the moment she felt herself lean in towards, the moment that that movement seemed natural and right. She pressed her face against his shoulder, her heart pounding. Sam would never cheat; she would never do something like that to Jessica. She was… She was just upset. About Brady, that was all it was. Sam kissed her temple gently, seemingly oblivious to his action.

Suddenly, everything seemed so different.

 

 

Sam watched as Alyssa slept, the small cushion on his lap apparently enough of a pillow for his friend. He brushed her hair back gently, frowning as the bruises came into sight again. Brady… He didn't really want to think about what he was going to do to his friend. Partly because he wasn't entirely sure what he was going to do. Obviously Brady needed some help, but Sam really wanted to hurt him. Alyssa didn't deserve that –she deserved a hell of a lot more than what Brady could ever give her. She deserved to be cherished and loved by a man; she deserved a man who could give her the family she always wanted, someone who wouldn't mind having four or five kids. She wanted a big family, she always used to say. Her heart held so much love –it couldn't take the beating and the shattering that Brady had done to it. Alyssa deserved someone better.

A quiet voice spoke up, somewhere in the recesses of his mind. _But you could._ Sam shoved the thought aside, reminding himself that he had Jess and he loved her more than anyone. Even more than Alyssa. He frowned a little, and glanced at the clock. It was half past two –he was tired and his exhaustion was starting to talk to him. That was all.

 

 

Alyssa saw more of Sam that week than she ever expected to. He didn't talk about Brady at all and the file was going through the courts, but there wasn't much point. His father paid if off. Jess mentioned on occasion, with plenty of caution, that Sam and Brady hadn't really spent a lot of time together but from the last time the two had met, Brady seemed to be improving. Alyssa didn't really care.

A week after that, Alyssa was still crashing on Sam and Jess's couch. Neither of them seemed to mind, but she was still determined to find another place to stay. The tension, or whatever it was, that she felt between her and Sam was still there. She wanted to kiss him, wanted to hold his hand and do everything that Jess could do with him. But she knew Sam was happy with Jess and Jess was happy with him. There was no room for her to step between them and she couldn't bear to break them up anyways.

But it was bizarre to realize, as the school year passed by in a blur, that falling in love with oblivious Sam was really quite easy. She traded so many emails and phone calls with him over that summer, that she couldn't keep track of them all. When school started up again, they were both getting ready for their internships at different departments. She heard from Jess that Sam's brother had come into town –and like Jess, she didn't really know anything about Dean aside from his name. Despite her feelings, Jess was still her best friend and Alyssa steadfastly refused to do anything with her feelings.

And then, suddenly, their apartment burned up. Jess was killed. And Sam was nowhere to be found. But because some of her belongings were still hanging around and apparently fingerprints were tying her to their place, the FBI wanted her for questioning. When she managed to get a phone, dialed the number that she had memorized, it didn't even go to voicemail.

_"The number you are trying to reach has been disconnected."_

Sam was gone, just like Jess was gone and like Brady before them. Alyssa was alone, very alone.


	8. Chasing Cars Gives You Hell

Alyssa and Sam met for coffee within a week, tucked away in a corner. Dean had practically shoved them out of their room, promising to research what he could in order to break the deal. Alyssa still didn't know that part. But for now at least, she was going to stay behind in this little hick town in the middle of nowhere. She and Sam exchanged numbers as they spent their 'date' catching up with one another. Sam told her more than he'd ever told anyone else. About his life and Dean's, about their father and for once, it was a little easier to talk about Jess. Alyssa knew Jess, knew how they'd been. Likewise, she told him everything. Unfortunately there wasn't much he could do. Especially with how close time was getting. Dean didn't have long left. They parted with a sweet kiss and the next morning and Sam left with Dean to go and find some way to save his soul.

### Chasing Cars Gives You Hell

Katwas on the run when her phone rang. To say it was inconvenient would be a huge understatement. Because first of all, she had bigger things to be worried about than answering her phone. Like the fact that someone had reported her for breaking and entering in an abandoned property. Then again, it was about to be sold. But the soon-to-be-residents owed her a huge thank you. She had just burned the locket and hair that kept one nasty ghost tied down. She hopped into her car, throwing it into drive and speeding off. Even as _Another One Bites the Dust_ rocked out on her cell, she kept driving. Glancing in her rear view mirror, keeping an eye out for flashing lights she answered with an annoyed, "What?!"

"I need your help."

Those four words were enough to send her speeding off in another direction entirely.

"What's going on?"

"It's-it's pretty bad."

"Bad how, Sam? What did you do?"

"Look, I… it's hard to explain. But Dean, he, he didn't listen and I didn't stop him in time and now I just, don't know what to do. Bobby's looking into it, but I could really use your help."

"Tell me everything. Now."

"It's not that easy, Kitty. I swear. I was trying to find an answer, someway to save him. And I found this article that mentioned this rift between the living and the dead. I-I thought and everything seemed to say that it was feasible. A witch created it, during all the havoc and chaos going on during the witch hunts at Salem, in order to hide with the dead so that when everyone blew over she could come out safely. Dean's got… Dean's only got a few weeks left, Kat. I thought it was the best option we had, and-"

Kat closed her eyes, "Please don't tell me what I think you're going to…"

"He went inside the rift."

"Idiots," she breathed softly.

"Good news is, we found the witch… bad news is… Dean's going to be out of commission."

"Why would you mess with this Sam?" she demanded. "The both of you know better!"

"Because she pulled Dean in. It was just… it was just an option. God Kat, I don't know what to do right now, I can't find any mention of how to get him out. I don't even know how the witch got out…"

"Do you have her there? The witch?"

"She's tied up at the moment, and nearly dead, but yeah she's here."

"Good, you're three quarters of the way done. Now…"

It wasn't the first time Kat had encountered this kind of a mess. She was pretty well-known for being the one to call to fix these messes. Ghosts and witches never did get along. This witch in particular had made her plans further than the one from a few years ago, who'd only been planning on doing it. The witch in Salem had probably used all of her energy in order to create a tear where she could slip through, on occasion no doubt some unwary individuals had wound up there too. But by slipping through the witch was little more than a ghost, trapped within that pocket and unable to get out unless she fed off enough people. By the sounds of Sam's description, she had been feeding from those unwary individuals, enough to make a balanced change, her life for Dean's. She pulled him in and took herself out, keeping the stupid hoodoo mix aligned. Dean wouldn't be able to get out unless they got the witch back in. But if the witch died, then that rift would break apart. Either killing Dean or freeing him and no one really wanted to take that risk.

The witch she'd met a few years back had been planning to do this spell, to throw herself into the rift in order to avoid the hunters that were on her tail. It didn't work out too great for her, since she didn't have enough juice or balance. Instead, half of her was a ghost and unable to leave the rift. Killing her was probably a mercy. But before she burned all of her books, Kat had taken a glance over her notes. It wasn't a spell she'd heard of before, and it stood out. It was probably a grimoire that had been passed down in her family. She burned it, along with the house.

That witch had done everything she could to get Kat to release her, made promises for love spells and riches beyond her imagination. Getting free from the rift wasn't all that difficult, but Kat stabbed the bitch before she burned her. She hung up with Sam and phoned Bobby, to fill him in with the information she had and together they came up with a solution. It had been a long time since Kat pulled an all-nighter, spending it driving down the highway to Salem once she gathered the necessary ingredients.

Despite how she asked, neither Bobby nor Sam would tell why they had been looking into the rift in the first place. In the end, it wasn't even dawn when she pulled into town and handed everything over to Sam. The witch was awake, but barely functioning when they arrived. And desperately confused. It was remarkably easy to trick her into thinking that they were there for her benefit before they swapped her life for Dean's once more.

Dean was weak, and a little out of it when they got him out. Between the two of them, they managed to get to a motel and sign in, explaining Dean's loopy behavior by saying that someone at a bar had spiked it with something. Sam helped his brother onto the bed, throwing the blankets over him while Kat got his shoes off. Dean was out cold within seconds. For a moment, Kat was back in that motel room, watching the brake lights as they disappeared and hatred filled her. But then it was gone just as quickly, as she sat on the bed next to him.

She knew why he had done it, but the worst thing was how surprised she had been by it. The only reason Dean had abandoned her there was because she had left him first, that first time. This time around he was protecting his heart, his soul and probably his whole being. She was aware of Sam sitting down on the other bed, heaving a great sigh. Honestly, she wondered at why she had done what she could to save Dean. Months ago she had been furious and hurt. Days ago she had been more remorseful about that night a few years ago than she thought possible, before she drowned her problems in a random at a bar and a few shots of tequila. She woke up with Dean on her mind and the world's worst migraine. Also some unexplainable bruises and questionable damage to the motel room that she preferred to not think about.

"What happened to you two?" Sam asked quietly, watching them. "You still love him, Kat. I can see that."

But no mention of how Dean felt towards her, she noticed. "I told you Sam, I screwed up. He told me he loved me and I fucked off the next morning."

"H-he what? That would… explain a lot."

"We're not going to be anything unless he wants it, and it's not like I'm going to sit around waiting for him. Now tell me, what were you doing today? What's going on?"

"Dean's dying."

And just like that, the world shifted. Sam told her everything, about the psychic kids and about John's deal and Dean's deal. For the first time, Kat didn't know what she was supposed to do. When Dean left her in the motel, she knew exactly what she had to do. She had to ignore him, forget about him, and move on. Because Dean wasn't interested, not anymore, not like he used to be. It was a burned bridge between them and she only had herself to blame. If Dean didn't want to accept her apology, her explanation, then it was with reluctance that she admitted it was his right to do so. But she hated it. And now, Dean didn't even have a month left to live. What was she supposed to do? Maybe it was because she realized that she didn't have a lot of time left with him, if there was anything she wanted, then she had to get her peace before the end. As much as Sam was fighting to be optimistic, fighting to find the cure, the solution, Kat didn't have the same disillusionment. Dean was going to die. But he wasn't going to go down without a fight, and Kat would help. Because maybe there was something, and that was all that mattered.

She looked back at Dean. He looked so at peace, compared to how haggard and exhausted he was the last time she had seen him. Had that been the last of her that he wanted to see, or had he been trying to make a clean break for her benefit? It would be just like him to do something so stupid, the ass. But if there was one thing Kat was going to do, it would be to earn his forgiveness no matter what it took. She wasn't holding out hope that he would live -this was a big deal and demons were a bitch to deal with. She was accustomed to dealing with the undead. She kept her talents honed for dealing with ghosts, partly in memory father and to save others from that, but also because her mother had picked up John's lost cause. In the end it would take all three of these boys to their graves. John was dead, Sam had technically died and now Dean was going to go as well. Was it the Winchester curse?

"I don't have the cash to get another room," Sam confessed. "Haven't gone hustling in awhile, been busy…"

"I don't have enough either, but it's fine, I can take the floor or sleep in my car."

"Kat…" 

"Don't. It's fine Sam, I'm used to it remember?" she flashed him a weak grin.

"That doesn't make it okay."

She laughed, "What, you don't remember all those fights for the bed when we were kids? You know my mom used to get a room for herself so that she and John could spend some adult time together. And that left us three on our own, under Mr. Bossy's supervision," she patted Dean's leg at that. "Who got stuck with the floor more often than not?"

"We were kids," Sam protested.

"And you think much has changed since now? I think I've spent more time in my car than I've spent anywhere else -and I've only owned a car for the last four years! Dealing with rundown haunted shit all day long, I find so much that would be worth unbelievable amounts to some people but it's always haunted. Or cursed. The curses suck worse than hauntings, honestly."

Sam sighed, "I'm not going to be able to change your mind am I?"

"Nope. And besides, he won't want me here when he wakes up, I'm sure."

"But you'll still be here?"

"'Course I will," she admitted, covering a yawn. "I've got to help the two of you out first. See if he can ever forgive me, or anything."

"Kitty… thank you, so much."

"Don't worry about it."


	9. Mad World

When Dean woke up, it was to a very interesting headache and confusion. The last thing he remembered was being pulled into that rift and surrounded by… cold, moving things. Something told him that for as strange and shiver-inducing as that was, that Hell was going to make it look like a walk in the park. He hadn't died. He had been there, alive, but able to feel the dead around him. Writhing together, ghostly touches to him like silken fabric pressing against him and for awhile he thought they were suffocating him. There was no… movement, no physicality there. He closed his eyes again, pressing his fingers into the mattress before sitting up. Aside from that crushing asphyxia, there had been distant voices and what felt like powders shoved down his throat before someone was… there. Another physical presence. There was no vision in the void, nothing beyond the single solid sense of existing. There was nothing to touch, nothing to taste, smell, hear or see.

He heaved a sigh of relief, looking around the motel room. The peeling wallpaper was as close to a homely feeling he knew, other than that of the worn leather seats of the Impala. He glanced over, spotting Sam crashed out on the other bed. He looked physically well, at least, he could still see his brother's steady breathing. Everything was… okay. 

And did that have more to do with Sam or someone/thing entirely? He could only hope it wasn't Ruby. He got to his feet slowly, working the kinks from his shoulders. How long had he been out? He looked around, spotting his duffle, he started rooting through it for a clean set of clothes when the motel door creaked open softly. Instinct had him turning warily, reaching for the knife he carried in his duffle only to see Kat standing there, shutting the door behind her. She didn't seem to have seen him just yet.

The pre-dawn light disappeared behind the door, barely peeking through the curtains as she stretched and moved towards him. She jerked suddenly, her eyes flying to his the moment he reluctantly put his knife away. A slow smirked curved its way across her face and her eyes lit up as she checked him out.

"You always look better on your feet Winchester," she grinned.

"And you always look better on a bed," he retorted. "What are you even doing here?"

"Saving your ass."

"Saving -how do you figure that?" He pulled out his fresh clothes out from the bottom of his bag, tossing them on his bed.

"Well that depends on if you're giving me a show now or later," she teased.

"I think I'd need a few more layers to make it worthwhile."

"Oh no, the layers don't matter," she laughed softly.

From the other bed came a low groan. "Seriously guys? Get a room," Sam grumbled.

"Rise and shine Sammy," Dean called, throwing a shoe at the lump before he walked into the bathroom. He was going to have to reconsider a few things if Kat was here. And have a serious talk with Sam.

Mad World

To say it was awkward was an understatement, as the three of them sat down for breakfast three hours from Salem. Kat could practically see the tension rolling from Dean and just as apparent was Sam's guilt. No doubt during the drive here, Dean had some choice words to say. But, despite Sam's guilt he was probably feeling rather smug with himself considering that she was still here. Their waitress made her way over, and Kat bristled as she caught Dean's wandering gaze.

"Another cup of coffee?" the waitress offered, smiling brightly.

"No thanks," Kat interjected, coolly cutting across whatever Dean had been about to say.

Dean turned to her, his eyes flashing in irritation. Sam hid a grin behind his coffee cup. The waitress hesitated for a moment, looking between the three of them before quickly walking off. At least the chit had some brains in her head. Kat offered Dean a smirk in response, stabbing a fluffy piece of pancake and tearing into it.

"You know I'm dying, the least you could do is let me fool around a bit," he retorted.

"Or I could save you from getting any kind of rashes or other unpleasant things, considering you can never really know what you're getting."

"You don't have any right," he growled.

"I don't have to sit here and watch you ogle her either," she snapped.

"Then you're welcome to leave, Kat. Walk on out that door."

Sam cast a glance between the two of them, uncertain. Kat scowled at him. "No. I don't care how hard you push, Winchester, I'm not leaving. You don't get to choose whether or not you protect me -that's my choice, and I'm choosing to be here and to help you."

"I don't want your help."

"You need all the help you can get, Dean," she offered sympathetically.

Sam left the two of them alone in order to contact his -girlfriend? Friend who happened to be a girl? -Kat wasn't sure who she was, but all she knew was that she was really important to Sam. Unfortunately, Sam's absence meant that she was alone with Dean. They had one lead from John's journal, talking about some psycho scientist who was carving people up. Tomorrow they would be dealing with all of that, but for today, there was nothing they could do but wait.

Kat sat on the end of Sam's bed, watching Dean idly. It was so obvious that he was trying to push her away so that she would get fed up and leave. And to be honest, she was getting close to that point. But she was determined to help him. She had to try, at the very least. She owed him more than that. He was her best friend, and he had been her lover. They never dated, they were casual, but they had known each other for years long before it ever happened. She had probably broken his heart, which might as well have been an understatement, and in retaliation he had left her similar to how she left him. Which according to Sam, was around the time that he had learned of the deal. Was that what his intention was -to settle any issues between them, so that she might never come back looking for him?

He was a selfish idiot. She had every right to know if she wanted to. And she did. It would never matter how angry she was at him, how frustrated. She would always want to know, always want to be there for him. At the end of the day, she was on Dean's side. He could be the worlds biggest jackass but he was her friend. And he was a good friend. Hurt feelings didn't change that she considered the Winchesters like family. As a matter of fact she liked them more than she liked her own mother. John she had her moments of doubt with him, but neither he nor her mother would ever win parent of the year award. They had taught their children how to survive though. But everything came with a price. At least, she hadn't been stuck alone with her mother. Both the Winchesters were important to her, and it hurt that she had been so out of touch with them the last few years, but she didn't blame Dean for it either. She had her own responsibility to why that had happened, and she could have tried to keep in contact with Sam regardless.

But that didn't matter now.

"Dean…" He glanced back at her. "I'm not going anywhere, okay? I don't care what you do. I'm with you."

"And I don't want you here," he growled.

"What -you gonna tell me I can't take it?" she bit back. "You know I can handle demons, Dean. I choose not to. I want to be there, I have that right."

"My opinion means nothing to you, does it?" he sneered. "I don't want you there."

"Dean… I don't care what you want. I have to be there."

"Why? To see me die -I hadn't realized you hated me that much."

"I don't hate you."

Silence hung between them, thick and heavy in the cold motel room. Dean set down the shirt he was in the process of folding, turning towards her.

"I don't," Kat repeated honestly. "I was mad. I haven't forgiven you because you're dying, but because I… I know I didn't handle that night the way I should have. But that doesn't mean I don't care about you. You're still my friend. My best friend -that hasn't changed. I miss having sex with you -I miss those times we used to sneak out or fake our injuries just a bit more in order to get five minutes alone for a kiss or something. You're… You mean a lot to me, Dean. Whether we're fighting or not, even if I'm angry with you, I need you here." Unexpectedly her voice broke, and for a moment Kat was so caught off-guard, she was completely frozen.

Even Dean seemed shocked by it, whether it was her near-tears or what she had just said, she couldn't tell and it fizzled in a flash of smoke when Sam opened the door. He looked appropriately chastised the second he opened the door and was met with a flurry of activity: Dean turned back away, shoving the rest of his clothes into his duffle while Kat took her phone out and started to look at it, as though they'd been doing anything other than talking.

"Bobby thinks he's found something on Bela," Sam offered.

"Where?"

And that was the end of that conversation, she realized with a pang of regret. If it had been seconds later… What would Dean have said? Would he have said anything? She couldn't tell and she was even less certain if it was relevant. It probably wouldn't change anything. But this time, when Kat got in her car to follow them, Dean didn't make a fuss about it. She could only hope that he understood what she'd been trying to say.

In the end, they were staring down a wall of dead-ends and one suicide mission. With less than twenty-four hours left, Kat went with them to help Bobby out doing whatever she could do. Dean had been avoiding her, for the most part, but he had stopped trying to push her away to a certain extent. He let her come with them, he stopped flaunting the women and as his deal came closer she watched him throw himself into every possible hope he could find. There was a palpable anxiety hovering over their heads. Today was no exception to that either, as they advanced on the small house where Lilith was.

She knew, deep down, that they wouldn't all leave the house. She hated that feeling more than anything. This pervasive sense of certainty that Dean was going to die and they couldn't stop it. Bobby helped the family out and Kat lingered behind with Sam, Ruby and Dean. As reluctant as she was to have any dealings with a demon, the Winchester's conviction was more than enough to convince her. They weren't stupid by any means.

It was with crushing despair that washed over them, that their plan would never work. Kat was locked out of the room, no doubt one of their hair-brained schemes to try and spare her to some extent. It would be years later before she could ever accept that what Sam had done, had actually saved her life. A blinding white light shot out, and when Kat came to, she was halfway across the living room and she could see Sam cradling Dean's still body, broken sobs shaking his form. Ruby's body was splayed across the floor, eyes open and lifeless as they stared up at the ceiling.

Kat dragged herself over, dazed still from whatever that was. She gently placed a hand on Sam's shoulder and felt him jump at her touch. He didn't look at her though, blinking hard as his body start to shake. Feeling tears well in her own eyes, she wrapped her arms around Sam and angled it so that she couldn't see Dean. She didn't want to remember him… ripped to pieces. But the sounds were something that would linger, the screams and snarls that lingered somewhere in the back of her mind.

Eventually, Sam turned to her, clinging to her for comfort. The guilt… must have been overwhelming. She cried onto his shoulder as he wept for his brother, the tranquil peace and serenity of the house and neighborhood seemed so unsuited to such grief. But this had been a battlefield, for Dean's soul, his life, and they were the sore losers. It didn't matter that Sam had physically locked her from the room; she didn't care for anything beyond the simple comfort of being with another person, of having that experience as things currently were between them.

By the time Bobby came back around, Kat had managed to move into some automatic functioning and was working on getting Sam to some point of bare functioning. At least he was compliant. Bobby took over when he arrived, but no matter their arguments, Sam wouldn't them burn his brother. And Kat didn't have the heart to try and fight him over it.

And as suddenly as Sam had appeared back into her life, was about as quickly as she slapped him within the week and walked right on back out. Vowing that the next she saw the younger Winchester, she would have a gun in hand.

It was a lie. But it didn't matter at the time.

Nothing really did. There was a hollowness in her chest that she had never felt before. There weren't words for it. 


	10. I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)

_

1995

_

Kat bit her lip as her mother worked on stitching her up, her eyes glued to the ceiling as she focused on anything other than the sensation what was going on to her shoulder.

"What did I tell you?" Janine growled, ruthlessly continuing. "You know to watch your back -how many times do I have to tell you that!"

"Few more apparently," she ground out.

"You're so useless!"

Her whole body tensed, she shut her eyes, fighting to not clench her fingers and biting her lip to keep from this turning into a screaming match. She knew the Winchesters were next door and at this point a screaming match would only make things worse. She'd probably end up over there for Dean to patch up her mother's handiwork while their parents went off for a drink. John was pretty good at playing oblivious when shit was going on that he didn't want to know about.

"There," she growled. "Done."

Janine packed up the supplies, moving away. "You'd better go thank Dean -he saved your ass in there."

"Yeah, I know," Kat growled back. Her mother was pretty good at failing to notice Dean's flaws -or at least she never criticized him for them. Because Dean had been injured too, but not quite as badly.

"You've been doing hunts with me longer than he has -how is it that you're such a useless kid?" Janine shook her head disappointedly. "Get out."

Kat didn't wait to be told twice, darting out of the hotel room, fighting back her impulse to cry. It wouldn't make things any better. She dug in her pocket for some change, wandering over to the vending machine and out of her mother's way. She grabbed a pop, leaning back against the wall as she took a long drain from it. Alcohol could always be a little more soothing, but being surrounded by adults didn't make it easy to access. Dean probably had a bottle tucked away somewhere, he usually nabbed one when his father was out -physically or mentally -never really made a difference.

It wasn't very long until Janine stormed out of their motel room and walked over to the Winchesters' room. She gave an impatient rap on the door and Kat shifted so there was no way her mother could see her from where she was standing. A moment passed and then she heard the door open, and then two pairs of boots walking down the gravel parking lot to where the Impala was no doubt parked. She heard the familiar rumble of the old car as it started up, and waited until she couldn't hear it anymore before she relaxed.

She took another long, refreshing drink from her cola, blocking out the pain in her arm. Her mom was definitely not the best when it came to stitching up wounds. John wasn't a gentle soul either, but he did a much better job at it than her mother. Sam was by far the best though. Kat sighed in frustration, finishing off her sugary beverage. She was stuck with Janine for a few more years at least, but as soon as she could, she was going to go off on her own. It was better to be a legal adult when that happened, than to live off of fake IDs and to try and pass older. It wouldn't exactly be hard either, it was sort of what they were already doing -and Kat was prepared for that too. If she got sick and tired of it, she had hustled some money and tucked it away with enough fake IDs to get her thirty states away in the opposite direction. It was an eventuality that she was prepared for, to say the least.

She heard one of the motel doors creak open, someone heaved a sigh and a few shuffling steps later Dean was standing before her. His arm was in a sling and he shot her a lop-sided grin, holding a beer out to her. Kat smiled back tiredly, setting the bottle down by the vending machine before throwing her arms around him.

"You okay?" he asked a bit gruffly, shifting to rest his good arm around her back.

"When aren't I?" she retorted. With a sigh she admitted, "A bit sore, but I'm fine."

"Good."

Kat reluctantly pulled away and eyed his arm, "Are you okay?"

"This?" Dean asked with a grin, indicating his sling. "Totally fine. I've had worse."

"Who hasn't?" she teased, accepting the bottle of beer he held towards her. She twisted the cap off easily, taking a long drink from it. Her mother, unlike many hunters was very strict on alcohol. She would only have some if she was at a bar, after a successful case. Or if she was going out with John. She never kept any around, unlike John who always seemed to have a few tucked away that Dean had no problem with getting into when his dad wasn't looking.

She leaned against his good arm lightly, and felt him smile against her hair where he pressed a light kiss. Dean was the only consistent guy around her age that she spent time with and it was the same for him. Between having to make sure that Sam was looked after and out of trouble, as well as having to be on guard for their parents, it did sometimes make things tricky. Not every time they ran into each other guaranteed anything, but the rare moments when it was like this, meant a lot. And the times when Sam wasn't a problem, were arguably the best times. Granted, that first time had been more than awkward for the both of them and she had feared things between them would never be the same. But in the end they wound up with the Impala in a 'date spot' where they were able to work past it. And things just got better from there.

I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)

After a while, Sam stopped calling. Alyssa couldn't really figure out what was going on but it turned out Jo was more connected than she was and gave her the news. Dean Winchester was dead. No one really seemed to know more than that. Sam was AWOL and no one had heard from him since before the end of May and now it was the beginning of June. Jo at least kept in contact with her, so did Ellen to an extent.. They would drop by every now and then to the little bar she worked at, earning just enough to afford a motel room and enough to scrape by for meals. She looked at her phone, brushing her finger across the screen, wishing Sam would call. She'd been leaving messages since about the middle of May, when he hadn't called her like he usually did. Alyssa had been hoping for the best, but this was probably closer to a worst case scenario. Reluctantly, she decided to give him some time to himself to work out his issues. To work out his grief. It would have been nice to hear it from Sam rather than Jo or Ellen, but she knew that with the pain he was buried under it was probably better she didn't hear from him.

Three days later she woke up at 3am to her phone's chirpy ringtone. She grabbed it, fumbling to answer it, barely awake as she had hardly just fallen asleep. By the time she had it up to her ear, it had gone to voicemail. After beating in the password, Sam's voice slurred out.

"Heeeey, haven't called you in ages… probly not gonna do it 'gain either," he barked what was supposed to be a laugh, but it was so devoid of humor Alyssa wasn't even sure he meant it as a laugh. "Listen… I got your messages like… all fifty of them? And I just want you to know… That I'm okay. I've got everything under control a-and I'm gonna find a way to bring him back. So… don't worry 'bout it. And uh, I don't think I'll be calling again…" Beep.

Alyssa stared in shock at her cell phone. No. That was not the ending. Not at all. No way -Sam didn't get to just… decide that on his own. What did he mean by it anyway -would bringing Dean back cost him his life -would that be why he wouldn't phone her? What…. was he planning? More annoyed than before, and feeling the hurt ache in her chest, she dialed his number back.

He didn't answer.

She tried six more times. On the sixth try he hung up on her. She had worked herself to the point of near tears, and he wasn't going to explain more to her. So she sent him one last text. Be safe. And then she was out of bed, getting dressed and grabbing what very little cash she had managed to save up. She sent a call to Jo, telling her where she would be and that she might be needing a ride back from the place. She walked to the nearest bus depot and had to wait two hours before she was heading off to South Dakota. She really didn't know what else to do.

It was a very long ride, and although she went without any food, a few kind mothers had shared some of their lunches with her. Many transfers and over twelve hours later, an exhausted half-asleep Alyssa was getting off at the bus depot in Sioux Falls. She grabbed a map, looking up the direction she had to go to get to Singer's Salvage Yard. The woman at the counter directed her in the right way, and Alyssa was able to sneakily take a picture of the map with her cell phone camera before she set out. It was late evening, the sun just starting to descend towards the mountains as Alyssa walked down the streets for what seemed like forever and a day before she could even start to see that Bobby lived a lot further out than she thought. Sam had told her once, that if she ever got into trouble she could come to this man -Bobby Singer, and he would help her however he could. Well, the same applied for Sam then.

It had to be almost ten o'clock at night by the time Alyssa arrived at the wrecker's and knocked wearily on the door. An old man with graying hair tucked underneath a blue and white trucker's cap opened the door, eyeing her suspiciously.

"I'm here about Sam?" she offered uncertainly.

"Who are you?"

"His… friend," she replied weakly. "Please."

"I haven't heard from Sam in weeks," he replied gruffly, opening the door to let her in.

Relieved, Alyssa entered the building. "He just phoned me. And I-I think he might be in trouble."

"Well why don't you sit down and we'll talk? How do you know Sam anyways?" he questioned, leading her out to the small kitchen. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, offering it -Alyssa nodded gratefully and Bobby poured her a glass.

"We went to Stanford together. But more than just that, we were like best friends until demons killed Jess right? And then I was on the run," she laughed nervously, taking a sip from the glass Bobby had handed to her. "Well anyways, I learned the hard way about all this Supernatural stuff. I worked at the Roadhouse for awhile and ran into Sam again. He, uhm, left this message last night." Nervously she typed in her password, letting the sound of a drunken Sam practically breaking up with her play through the room.

Bobby listened closely, a dark frown creasing his face. "Sam tell you to come here?"

"Only if I was ever in trouble," Alyssa replied meekly.

Bobby nodded as though it was the answer he expected. Alyssa jumped when she heard the stairs above them creak as someone wandered down. A young woman wandered into the kitchen, one arm extended above her head as she stretched. She had short red hair that just grazed the back of her shoulders, but the cut itself kept her hair from getting in her face. She blinked in shock.

"Oh sorry, didn't know you had company Bobby."

She was wearing black skinny jeans with a fitted white sweater that had emerald green designs woven along the front of it. She had very fair skin and wasn't afraid of showing it off either.

"Hey Kat, this is…" he glanced at Alyssa.

"I'm Alyssa Jones," she replied, holding her hand out toward the other woman.

Kat offered her a smile, "Kat Calloway," she said, shaking her hand. "You look kind of familiar."

"I worked at the Roadhouse for a bit."

"Huh. Probably saw you around," Kat responded.

"Alyssa, would you mind sharing your message with Kat? She's a good friend to th- to Sam."

Alyssa glanced at Kat, and was surprised to see her green eyes lit with concern and surprise. "How-how do you know Sam?"

"I'm a friend of his, from Stanford, who wound up involved in all of this. Anyways he called me last night and left this message," with a soft sigh she replayed the message once more. The ache in her chest wasn't going away either.

Kat and Bobby both exchanged a knowing look, and by their grim expressions Alyssa decided she would rather stay out of it. They would find Sam and they would save him from whatever he was about to do. And that was that. Sam was insisting that he was fine and would be fine. And honestly, believing was easier right now. But other problems faced her. Such as whether Jo would be able to come and get her or not. She could probably stay with her for a bit, no doubt Ellen hot on their heels, but at the very least she would be more involved.

Hunting was not what Alyssa Jones wanted to do with the rest of her life. She wanted to work -and had long since accepted that she wouldn't be able to ignore the supernatural since it roamed around just about everywhere -she wanted to get married, and she wanted to have a family. That was it. Just a nice big family. Her dream that she could ever return home and see her parents had gone up in smoke when she 'died'. Currently she had new records and IDs courtesy of Sam and Dean, everything she would need to pass off as someone she wasn't. But she did miss her family.

"I'll leave you guys to… do whatever you have to," she told them. "I think I'd rather stay out of this though." Last time she hadn't had a choice. This time, she just… Whatever was going on with Sam, she was better off not being involved. It would be for the best.

Instead of Jo, Ellen had arrived and within minutes she was leaving, laying in the back of her van and practically passing out after she filled her in on what information she had.

 

 

Kat watched the other woman as she left. "So how are we even going to find him? If he doesn't want to be found, it isn't going to be easy Bobby."

"We'll find him. Before he does something stupid," he sighed, taking a long swig from his flask.

"I wish he could have... just walked out and never got involved in this stupid shit," Kat growled. "What's he got left? He's got you and me -and that's it. Goddammit," she exhaled, tapping her fingers against the counter. "He wasn't supposed to be sucked back down here." How she wished she hadn't screwed up things between her and Dean.

If things were different... she might have known what was going on with Sam, with everything, so much sooner. As much as Dean was angry that Sam left, Kat had been proud of him. For being able to leave. She had stayed with her mother until she was eighteen and left her within the same hour. She had endured the name calling and the botched stitches for all of her life -she still had the jagged ugly scars to prove it too. There were so many times she was just ready to leave. But, somehow, she always ended up staying with her insane mother. Janine was more than just obsessed. She had made the Hunt into her life somewhere along the way.

Sam was stuck with John and Dean, and even so, he got away from his father. It was something to be proud of, that she could respect. But it would make things tricky. Sam might not know they were coming, and by the sound of how drunk he was on that message, he might be getting sloppy enough that they could do something about it. Stop him from selling his soul. Kat was mad at Sam, for keeping her out of that room. She still believed that she could have done something -at least tried something -but Sam was adamant. Bobby had told them both to shut up several times, but Kat was so mad at Sam for it when he explained everything to Bobby. And then he said one of the few things she could forgive. She was mad at him, but Sam was like family to her. And Dean would've wanted her to look after him, to make sure that he was okay. Bobby knew it too. Kat hadn't expected him to disappear as quickly as he had, but it wasn't entirely surprising either. She sighed and turned away from the window.

"I'll start trying to track him down," she admitted, walking back out of the kitchen to find her laptop. There was an order to things in life generally. John sacrificing himself for Dean was probably one of the most shining moments of how much his sons mattered to him. He saved Dean. But then Sam died. And now it was just this ugly snake devouring itself. Sam would end up next. Most likely, if he couldn't save Dean, he would die trying. He was too far down that road already. The guilt from knowing why Dean had done it in the first place, and then being unable to save him... It wasn't his fault. John made the decision for Dean, much as Dean made his decision for Sam. Neither of them consented to the pain and agony they endured.

Kat searched online for their usual aliases. Her mom was pretty fond of using the same methods. She paused to consider which music legends Sam enjoyed, desperately hoping some hotel chain somewhere might have an idea. Unfortunately, one of them seemed to think it was some great joke and replied that Mr. Jovi wasn't interested in speaking to anyone. Kat spent the whole day with Bobby trying down every hotel and motel within a fifty mile radius of a crossroads. It wasn't until nearly three hours later that Kat realized the motel woman joking with her, might not have been. Because Bon Jovi was off in England on tour -nowhere near the States. Especially nowhere near some dumpy little town in Montana of all places.

They were on the road in under ten minutes, speeding towards the small town of Hazel, Montana and their most expensive motel. Sam was covering his tracks pretty well, granted. The alias turned out to be a little too easy by the time they got there, but a few circles around the dumpy town showed them where the Impala was parked. Sam wouldn't leave her behind. It was his last connection to his father, but more importantly, to his brother. Kat threw her car into park, jumping out of it and running inside. Bobby wasn't very far behind her either. Kat didn't waste time, sweet talking the clerk effortlessly with batting her eyelashes and flaunting her breasts a little more than necessary and he so very "accidentally" let her see the names of residents.

"Mr. Johnny Electric" was in the room at the end of the hall. A honeymoon suite, interestingly enough. Kat raced straight down to it, pounding her fist against the door.

When a woman with obvious sex hair answered the door, Kat was more than just a little stunned. Until Sam walked over, opening the door wider. Likewise, his hair was a mess and he just had that small dimpled smile. For the most part, he looked okay.

"...Kitty?" 


	11. White Sparrows

_

1985 

_

Katherine was confused, when they took her father away and had him buried. She also missed him. A lot. Especially since her mother kept forgetting her; she would wander off sometimes and just cry, or forget about making dinner. Some days she didn't even want to get out of bed. But Kat was also scared. Not because of her mother. Her mother was sad because daddy was gone; she understood that much. She was scared because she kept seeing this thing, just a flicker from the corner of her eye but she could never quite see it. And it had pushed her down the stairs just yesterday. She'd been lucky, her aunt had been there to catch her before she tumbled down them. And the day before that, she could have sworn that the whatever-it-was was in her room. It was really scary. But no one was listening to her.

__

__

Her father had passed away suddenly, and the police were calling it a suicide since they found a gun outside of his study and blood splatter. Kat didn't really understand what that meant, even though Auntie Caroline had tried to sit her down.

__

__

"It means… sometimes, when a person is really sad, they decide that they… want to go somewhere else. So they do the only thing they can think of, which is what your father did."

__

__

"Why'd he leave me? And Mommy? We don't want him to go."

__

__

Her aunt had gotten this funny look on her face, and that was the last time they spoke of it. Her cousins had been mean about it, saying that it was her fault her daddy had left and when she went running to her mother the woman had been inconsolable and didn't give Katherine the time of day. So Kat learned pretty quickly to fight her own battles. The next time someone said that to her, she kicked him in the balls. And then no one talked about it.

__

__

A month or two after the death, one of their friends suffered an awful accident in the house and was hospitalized. People came over less, but the police started to be around their house all the time. Kat would see them when she walked herself to school. She'd started doing that more recently, since her aunt had stopped staying with them in hopes that it might make things easier for her mother. It didn't. But Kat didn't phone Aunt Caroline back either and ask her to help out. She couldn't reach the phone, and she was sure that things would get better. Until her mom's friend was in the hospital and people were around, and Katherine was walking to school with bruises under her clothes from all the falls and pushes and sudden trips. Kat had never been that clumsy in all of her short life.

__

__

And then a few days later, there was a police car and this cool shiny black car with an older man sitting there, talking to the officer. Kat walked home a little quicker that day. By dinnertime, that same man knocked on the door and Janine answered it. Somebody had said at the funeral that Janine was functioning on fumes, sugar and just running on autopilot which she couldn't do forever. Later on, Katherine would wonder at her mother's hopelessness. She tried to never think of how different things could have been.

__

__

Her mother invited him in for dinner, leftover casseroles and pie from the funeral. Kat made the coffee like she'd been doing for the last week and a half while her mother served up dinner with watery eyes and a weak smile. The man introduced himself as John Winchester, a private investigator. It was after dinner when Janine sent Katherine to bed -it was the first time in weeks that her mother had actually said something like that. Kat was all too eager to listen and went skipping off when someone shoved her hard enough that she bashed her chin onto the floor and was bleeding all over. Janine was too shocked to do much, but John lifted her up, told her some story and stuck cleaned the cut all before Janine was even reaching for her daughter.

__

__

And then in whispered conversation, John was carrying Katherine out to the really cool car she'd seen earlier. Janine seemed to think it was fine, so Kat sat there and looked around as John drove them over to a motel. He explained to her that he had to go talk to Janine and that everything would be better when she came home, but for the meantime he wanted her to stay with his sons. Kat was okay with that, so long as her mother got back to be the woman she had been before. So that was when Katherine Calloway met the Winchesters. Seven year old Dean watching cartoons with his baby brother, under the supervision of a young teenager who was staying one room over and working for two bucks an hour. Kat sat herself down beside Dean without a care in the world.

__

__

"Hi," he said, glancing at her warily.

__

__

"Hi," she agreed. "I'm Kat."

__

__

"I'm Dean, and that's my baby brother Sammy," he said.

__

__

Katherine smiled warmly and Dean smiled back. It wasn't twenty minutes later when they were fighting over who was cooler; Fred or Daphne. By the end of the episode and the start of the next one, Kat and Dean were singing along to the theme songs. (And they never could agree on who was cooler).

__

_

White Sparrows

_

"Hey Sam," she said casually, looking at him.

__

__

Sam appeared to be fine, better off than she expected, actually. "What're you doing here Kitty?" he asked, glancing down the hall to see Bobby standing there.

__

__

"Well your girlfriend called." At this, the dark haired woman looked up at Sam, something akin to shock and righteousness flashing across her features. Poor girl didn't even know. "She seemed pretty worried about you."

__

__

"Girlfri- Alyssa? What-how does she even know you? Why did she phone you?"

__

__

"Oh," Kat said with practiced indifference. "So then you don't remember your drunken call to her last night?"

__

__

Sam looked more than a little confused, shaking his head.

__

__

"Well I can tell you, she's not the happiest girl out there. I can't blame her either. I mean all that bogus about how fine you are, that you're gonna bring Dean back problem free and that you won't be calling her again?" Kat flashed him a cutting smile. "I would say she's hiding her hurt pretty well."

__

__

Sam blinked slowly. "How did she find you -and how did you find me?"

__

__

"Luck. What's going on Sam? You know you can't…" at this, Kat turned to the dark haired woman who was still standing there.

__

__

Awkwardly the woman raised her hands, "I guess I'm not needed. I'll, uh, get out of your way…" she hurried past them, down the hall, and out of the building.

__

__

Sam groaned, holding the door open for them. "I'm not doing anything Kat. Jesus. I don't know what I was thinking when I called her, but really it's not a big deal."

__

__

"So you aren't trying to make a deal?" Bobby asked, following Kat into the room.

__

__

The room was an absolute mess. More than a healthy amount of alcohol bottles lingered around the room, some teetering on edges and a great deal of clothing was strewn about. This wasn't how the Winchesters lived -no Hunter lived like this. They were always on the edge, ready to move at the barest notice.

__

__

Sam's expression darkened at that, as he slowly sat down. "No. No deals."

__

__

"The last thing you said was that you were going to bring Dean back," Kat offered gently. "Please Sam, we're just worried about you."

__

__

"There's nothing to worry about," he replied smoothly.

__

__

"If there wasn't then we wouldn't be here."

__

__

"I was drunk, I'll apologize to her."

__

__

"Will it mean anything?" Kat demanded. "Because I know I'm not the only you've been ignoring Sam."

__

__

"You aren't… You aren't him. You don't get to walk in and say whatever the hell you want Katherine," Sam growled.

__

__

"That doesn't mean I won't worry!"

__

__

"But there's nothing to worry about!"

__

__

"Then let me in Sam! Let me know there's nothing to worry about -you dodge Bobby's calls, and mine when I started. Probably your girlfriend's. And here I find you sleeping it up with some other woman? That's not you Sam."

__

__

Sam scoffed, shaking his head. He was about to say something when Bobby cut in. "Would you idjits shut up for a few seconds?" he shook his head. "Sam, if you get in any kind of trouble, you know you can phone either of us. And Kat, you won't go stalking him. We're here for you, and now we're going."

__

__

Kat would have loved to fight with Bobby on his decision but she didn't have the energy to. And ultimately, she respected him. If not his decision. Leaving Sam to be… it didn't feel like it was the right thing. But then again, Bobby knew so much more than anyone could guess at. Two days later, Sam started phoning and checking in. About a week after that, a woman named Ellen Harvelle called at the Singers to say that Sam was doing okay and visiting Alyssa.

__

__

Things stayed that way, for about a week or two, and suddenly the calls for updates vanished. No one had seen Sam in awhile. Kat reluctantly listened to Bobby's advice, giving Sam some breathing room. Some room where he could find a new niche for himself in this world without his brother. In the meantime, Kat went back to hunting like nothing had changed. But so many things had. She didn't frequent the bars as much, instead spending her time researching. She didn't really know what she was looking for either, but she just kept on collecting what information she could find. The biggest change was that she didn't go out actively looking for a man either. She just couldn't do it.

__

__

One lazy day in July, when she was out looking for her next job Kat found herself driving through Iowa when she thought of Dean. It hit her so hard and fast, that there was no preparation for it and in seconds she had to pull over because she was crying so hard she couldn't see. Her best friend was gone. And no had heard from Sam in three weeks -and their friendship could very easily be destroyed. Any number of things could do it. Respecting Bobby's advice Kat did her best to give Sam as much space as she could give him. She didn't call him.

__

__

There were days where she woke up in the middle of the night, and the only thing on her mind was Dean. Sometimes she woke up and just cried. She pretended she didn't. By the time August came around, she was back to frequenting the bars and trying to move on with her life. Kat entertained herself by teasing the men there, taking all the free drinks they offered and winning the pool games they were betting she'd lose. And then, she would walk out the doors, awkwardly alone. It wasn't as though she left with men so frequently, but it had been a long time since she last left with anyone. A long time since she had someone she could even call a friend. Other than Dean and his brother. The last few years where she'd had no contact with them, well, she hadn't really thought much of it since she had made that mess all on her own.

__

__

And she didn't want the same thing to happen this time. She was mad at Sam, and having a tough time letting things be when she just wanted to make sure she still had a friend at the end of the day. She wanted to make sure the kid was okay. Dean had always looked after Sam, and it wasn't as though Sam was unable to look after himself, but Winchesters always wound up doing stupid things when they went off on their own. So she packed up what little she had set up and spent the night driving over to Nebraska. That was where Alyssa Jones was staying, and she was probably the last person to have any contact with Sam.

__

__

What Kat was not expecting to see, was that the place Alyssa was staying was so expensive looking. It was almost midmorning by the time Kat got to the other woman's house and gave a polite knock. Alyssa answered the door, her blondish-brown hair tied back with a few restless curls tucked out of her way. Her blue-green eyes widened in confusion and she stepped aside.

__

__

"I-is everything okay?"

__

__

"It's fine, that I know of Sam's fine," Kat informed her reassuringly. "I actually came here to see if you knew where he might be?"

__

__

Alyssa closed her eyes, sighing softly. "I have no idea. He was acting really weird when he stayed here too," she shut the door behind Kat. "I don't know how much help I can be…"

__

__

Kat smiled slightly at the woman. Alyssa had her arms folded across her chest, while exhaustion weighed heavily on her shoulders and was hinted at around her eyes. The interior of her house was a lot more modest than the outside would lead one to believe. Had Sam helped her get this place? Kat wouldn't have been surprised if Sam did have something to do with this either, everything about it was so homely and plain and normal. It was refreshing and just a little unnerving at the same time.

__

__

"Whatever you can tell me will get me a little closer to tracking him down."

__

__

Alyssa nodded, "Uh do you want a cup of coffee or anything?"

__

__

"No thanks, I probably drank like eight cups on my way here."

__

__

Alyssa blinked. "Can I get you anything to eat or drink o-or something? Driving that long can't be healthy."

__

__

"It's par for the job, but I would love a glass of water." Kat grinned a little at the other woman's shocked gaze.

__

__

"You have to have something to eat -did you even eat? How long were you driving?"

__

__

Kat laughed a little. "Enough with the interrogation Mother Theresa, seriously a glass of water is just fine." From the set of her chin, Kat could tell that Alyssa didn't really believe her but she nonetheless got the requested water. "You've spent way too much time as a waitress."

__

__

"Probably," she agreed. "It doesn't mean that I'm offering it out of duty though. You're friends with Sam. And besides that, a hunter, who from my understanding is pretty well respected. I do the same thing to Jo and Ellen when they stop by -you guys need some pampering."

__

__

Kat smiled a little into her glass before looking back at Alyssa. "I can see why Sam likes you."

__

__

"Well… we are friends," Alyssa stated awkwardly, blushing lightly.

__

__

"Aren't you dating?"

__

__

"Ah, no…"

__

__

Oh. "Why the hell not?"

__

__

"Long story, honestly. Starting with Stanford and being best friends with both him and his girlfriend."

__

__

The one who died. Yeah, that would make things complicated, Kat thought, almost regretting her question. What did the two of them do while he stayed here? she wondered. "The way he talked to you every night… I'm sorry."

__

__

"It's okay." Alyssa smiled softly, sitting down at the small kitchen table. "You wanted to know about where he went?"

__

__

"Yes. Whatever you know."

__

__

"Well he didn't say a lot. I wasn't -I don't think he slept. He was really antsy and he wouldn't talk about it. It was like he had all this energy, but nothing to do with it. He tried to help fix the place up," Alyssa smiled slightly at that, turning to gesture at the unfinished cupboards. "I think he thought that he should try, y'know? Like… he had to try and stay with me or something. After everything between us. It wasn't because he really wanted to.

__

__

"It was mostly awkward. And he was angry, and apologetic, and miserable. He started calling someone, I don't know who, about three days before he left. I tried to not listen in, or he would leave the room. But I think that person had something to do with it, telling him about some hunt he could be on and so he just… left." She smiled a little wistfully at that. "He didn't sleep very well, I woke up when I heard him thrashing and-and yelling. Something about someone named Lilith." Alyssa hesitated, brushing her fingers against the table. "And he was calling for Ruby, to-to help him. He left the next day. That's all I really know."

__

__

Ruby? But Ruby was dead. Unless she had come back. What was Sam doing hanging around a demon? And Lilith… Was he trying to get himself killed? And then suddenly it all made sense. He wasn't necessarily trying to kill himself. But he was willing to go on a vengeance quest that would get him killed. He was going to hunt Lilith down until one of them was dead. What else would he do with himself? Dean was gone. He had Alyssa, but compared to Dean… she wasn't enough to anchor him in any sort of reality. There was another world out there and he had to be part of it, he had to try and bring Dean back and he had to kill Lilith. Those damn Winchesters.

__

__

"Thank you, for the water and everything," Kat said absently as she got to her feet. "I think I know where I can find him."

__

__

Honestly, she had no idea.

__

__

Alyssa nodded, smiling warmly, and handed her a bag that she had tucked away in a cabinet. Inside was an assortment of filling snacks, energy drinks and a few bottles of water.

__

__

"Look, I can't -"

__

__

"Just find him, make sure he's safe. And… keep safe, okay?" Alyssa smiled. "I'll still be here. I'm not -I'm not in any immediate danger."

__

__

Numbly, Kat nodded and gave the other woman an awkward hug before she hurried out to her car. She wouldn't be able to drive for much longer without taking a break. As she drove off, she made the decision to not call Bobby. Sam needed his space. Kat needed to make sure he wasn't doing anything stupid. For one second, she thought about why she had that feeling and realized that it was kind of her own way in keeping close to Dean. In remembering him. The only thing Dean would want would be for Sam to be safe. And then she dismissed it, pressed the gas pedal and flew off down the highway. Sam could be anywhere.

__

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize some of you would be hoping for a Kat vs Ruby showdown but seeing as right now Kat doesn't know Ruby's new body, that would be really hard to work around.


	12. Shadow of the Day

_

1993 

_

They didn't exactly celebrate the holiday seasons, either of their families. Kat had gotten used to it, that it wasn't something she should be expecting from a young age. For Dean it was a little different; John at least tried. Or he did for a while at the very least. Long enough for Sam to have an aching taste of normalcy, to look forward to Christmas for at least having some time to spend with his father. Kat missed the big affairs with family she didn't really know sitting down to eat a turkey dinner, and afterwards she got to sit under the tree with the adults watching her on as she ripped into the presents.

Janine never put another tree up again. The most Christmas-y it got was driving down the highway with the radio softly playing a Christmas song or two before it turned off. Sometimes it was those happy cartoons where they enjoyed the festivities. Kat wasn't even nine years old when she stopped watching. By the time she was almost fifteen years old, she was a little out of touch with the Winchesters before they bumped into each other again about a week before Christmas in South Dakota.

John was working what was supposed to be a simple salt and burn, but was really turning into something more complicated. John had pulled Dean out of class -something he was usually reluctant to do -and had him helping out. He'd put a call into Bobby, giving him some details of what was going on since there was no paper trail about what had happened to this house before. Janine was pretty used to dealing with situations like this and she was called in to help John out. It was debatable over whether or not he knew it, but her help was welcome in the end.

Until the part came where the poltergeist got one up on the two of them and Janine wound up in the hospital for the next month to recover. She didn't want to stay, but she did respect the doctors and nurses and so she charged John with looking after Kat until she was well enough. To say it was awkward was an understatement, with John passing off as her mother's boyfriend.

By the time Christmas was approaching, John drove them out to Bobby Singer's place and dropped them off before leaving. He said he'd be gone for just a few days, long enough to check on Janine and some quick research. Sam just shook his head, trying to hide his disappointment while Dean nodded along. Kat was just glad to be out of the car. She liked John well enough, she really did, but spending that much time in the confined space of the car was just a little unbearable.

Bobby was more than happy to see them all and look after them. That was the first Christmas in years that dinner actually resembled a real meal. Ham and potatoes with apple pie for dessert. It was so good. It wasn't a feast, by any means, but it was different and nice. Dean dove right into the pie, Sam chattered about school and Kat felt like a bit of an outsider. She didn't really spend that much time with Bobby, he was an acquaintance of her mother's, no doubt someone she had met through John, and there was a connection that both Sam and Dean shared with him. And Kat was sitting here while her mother was in the hospital. It wasn't that she missed her mother, she was glad to be away from the woman and grateful to be with Sam and Dean. But she felt like she was intruding on their home -and she knew damn well that they didn't get to do this very often.

She didn't finish her piece of pie, instead pretending to head off towards the bathroom before slipping out the back door and wandering out-of-sight to an old rusty blue car. It was mostly taken apart, the mangled seats arranged nearby. She crawled through the wreckage, finding the perfect spot. She wandered back, grabbing the seat and hauling it back over behind the pick-up truck. Judging by the condition of the seat, she was pretty sure it was going to be scrapped. There wasn't much salvageable from it -a handful of fabric and leather maybe and some stuffing. She settled down on the torn thing, wrapping her arms around her legs as she looked out across the wreckage yard. Kat felt alone and it was altogether unfamiliar and too familiar. School after school, wave after wave of people she knew nothing about and didn't care to know about and inside that building behind her were two people that she really did care about but never had any way of keeping in touch with.

"You forgot this."

Kat jumped, turning to look back at Dean too quickly and cracked her head against the side of the truck. She moaned in pain as he laughed, walking around to sit beside her, carrying her unfinished piece of pie.

"You klutz," he joked. "I don't know if you should eat this -you might choke on it."

"Oh ha-ha Dean, I'm glad you're enjoying my pain," she sneered, rubbing the back of her head. "Why didn't you just eat it anyways, isn't that your thing? You love pie."

"Does it really matter?"

"Uh yeah, just bit because I swear if you came out here to make me hit my head only to eat that in front of me, I am so going to take you down a peg or two."

Dean snorted, "Is that a challenge?"

"No. Now give me my pie." She didn't wait for him to do it either, snatching it from him before he could change his mind. Dean wasn't that courteous.

As she worked on finishing off her pie, mostly just so that Dean wouldn't get it, he moved to sit down beside her and she shuffled over. There was barely enough room on the seat, and it was so worn that the coldness from the ground was starting to seep through. It wasn't the most comfortable place either. She licked the last bit of whip cream from her lip, setting her plate and fork aside to take back in for Bobby later.

"So what, you think you think you got good enough to beat me in the last few years?" she asked, smirking at him.

"Oh pfft, you don't even stand a chance."

"Really?" she dared, smirking at him. "Prove it Winchester."

It wasn't unusual for them to practice either. And every time they saw each other since their parents had started training them, Kat had beat Dean's ass physically. He was a better shot, but she'd been literally kicking his ass for the last seven years. They hadn't seen each other since they were twelve. Kat realized with shock as they moved towards a more cleared space, that Dean was taller than her. They sparred off, watching each other warily before they moved in. He wasn't just taller, but leaner and he knew how to fake which way he was going better than he ever did before. He caught her off surprise, when she was watching his chest for his usual giveaway and he dragged her down to the ground.

But Kat was nothing if not a fighter, and even as Dean was moving to pin her, she was moving her body to counter it. Her first attempt was met with a surprising resistance as she realized that he had become more muscular during their time apart.

"If you wanted to feel me up, there are better ways," he laughed.

"In your dreams," she grunted, blushing as she threw him off of her.

Dean laughed, shifting easily on the balls of his feet. "Aw look at you Kitty, all dusty and defeated."

"In your dreams!" she growled, launching herself at him good-naturedly.

They tussled for a good ten minutes, and in the first five she wound up sitting on Dean but in the next five she found herself pinned under him again. This time it was different than it had ever been as she stared into his eyes -had they always been that green? She could feel his breath, and the way his body felt against hers. With a jolt she realized that he was looking at her the same way she was looking at him, and he shifted slightly, almost closer to her but that wasn't -

Slowly she shifted, leaning up towards him, as curious as she had ever been when she felt his lips meld to hers. Nervously she pulled away, staring at him in surprise and seeing it mirrored back in his gorgeous eyes. It was a moment of silence, full of energy and apprehension, and the very air seemed to be settling over them like static when that cocky grin of his made its way onto his face.

"Feeling better?"

"You-you asshole!" she growled, pushing back against him.

"You know you can't win," he taunted.

"Watch me." And then she kissed him.

It was as though a switch had gone off. The hesitancy and curiosity that had been there seconds ago was gone and replaced with something akin to urgency. Chaste kisses quickly turned to hot, open-mouthed kisses and roaming hands that were so eager to learn more of the other's body that it was impossible to deny. It didn't feel as cold outside as it was, with Dean right over her as she worked her hands under his shirt. Kat marveled as she felt him shudder under her cool touch, ghosting along his back to feel the firm muscles there. She could feel his hands gliding up her sides even as his tongue brushed against her lip.

"Ew, guys. Um Bobby wants to see you," Sam all but yelled from the other side of the truck, his hand firmly planted over his eyes.

_2001_

Kat was enjoying spending time by herself, tossing back a few drinks as she worked the pool table with poor and clumsy hits. The men who were playing with her all wore identical cocky grins, thinking that she was going to blow all of her money pretty quickly. A few of them kept giving her lessons and correcting her stance -it was actually hard to keep her position incorrect as she prodded the cue ball right into the eight ball, sinking it and losing the game once again. She took a break to back up to the bar and grab another beer, pouting all the way and mourning her intentional loss.

She was sitting down at the counter, sipping on her beer. It was the fourth of July and this bar wasn't quite packed, but it was busy enough. Most people were out with their families, watching the fireworks and preparing dinner. Kat liked spending her fourth of Julys in the bars, making a fortune in hustling the idiots she played with. She played up the clueless girl act, tossing in some booze to truly appear to be the worst pool player anyone had ever seen. Or close to it, at least. Sometimes people caught on to her act, because to be such a bad player required a certain degree of skill. She never dropped the cue ball off the table, for example, whereas many inexperienced player would do it. Giving money to the owner for those costly shots didn't guarantee that she'd win it back.

The bell sounded as another customer walked in. Kat took her beer over to the table, watching the guys as they worked the table. They were average, decent enough, but she had been doing this since Dean had first taught her how to play. She smiled a bit, it would be great to try and hustle him at a game. They didn't usually spend their time together in bars, let alone playing pool, when they ran into each other or met up. It was easier to keep track of him, considering they both had phones of their own. And their own vehicles. She hadn't seen Janine or John in a few years, and was actually quite glad for it. Living on her own was working out great. Even if some of the cases were a bitch, she did just fine on her own.

They dragged out their game long enough that Kat was drinking a fresh bottle of beer. She was getting close to her limit, so most of it was pretend with some exaggeration. She would need to get the hell out of here pretty soon, once she wiped the table with them. Happily she went over to them, dropping the last of her cash and challenging them to a match. And they all accepted, even going so far as to let her break while they hid their snickers. Kat flashed them a winning, charming smile, and sent the cue ball straight to the center cluster, scattering the balls and pocketing a solid. Silence suddenly fell around the table as she took her next shot, pocketing one after the other until it was only the eight ball and she missed the pocket she was aiming for. By the time it was back to her, there were only four balls left and she took down the eight ball on her second shot.

"Hey babe, I think you've had enough," husked a very familiar voice in her ear as his arms wrapped around her waist. "One lucky round is enough for you."

"Oh but hunny," she whined, leaning back against him as she pouted up at Dean Winchester.

"We have to get home now," he said firmly, looking over at the angry pool players. "She is such a horrible player, and then she gets these streaks of luck guys. What can I say?"

"Get the hell out of here," growled one of them, grabbing the money that had been placed down. "She don't play fair, she don't get no money."

"What?!" she shouted, glaring at him. "I earned that!"

"Screw you, ya little bitch," he snarled. "You played us -you don't get anything."

"She's just lucky," Dean said, his stance moving into one that was ready if anyone started swinging.

Kat performed a well-timed and not all intended stagger, bumping into Dean and having him support her as she gazed "drunkenly" up at him. He wasn't the most smooth guy around, but with a few threats and gruff demands of talking to the bar owner, he managed to get the money Kat had bet back for her. And then he paid his money off, grabbed her by her arm and hauled her out of the building without waiting for her to say anything.

"Hey," she tried to protest, frowning, her lips pursed.

"I thought you were in Texas," Dean murmured, kissing her cheek softly.

"California was just screaming that she's the place to be," Kat slurred, leaning against him comfortably.

Dean sighed softly, "You're pissed."

"No I'm not. I know my limit," she growled softly, nuzzling him. She could feel his arms wrap around her body, holding her to him.

"You're still drunk."

"What do you care Dean?" she murmured, slipping her hand under his shirt. "It's not like… like I'm different when I'm drunk."

She felt him chuckle more than she heard him. "You get all cuddly and lovey, then you say things that you won't remember. And you just-"

Kat kissed him. She wasn't concerned with what he had to say. He kissed her back indulgently, and she pressed more firmly against him, smirking when she felt him half fall against the Impala, the soft slap of his hot hands against the cool metal. She wrapped her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss hungrily as she tickled the fine hairs on the back of his neck. With a low groan Dean pulled away from her, his lips against her temple.

"Where are you staying at Kitty?" he murmured, rubbing her ass.

"Mmm nowhere," she slurred contently, resting against him.

"I've got a better idea…"

Kat hummed her agreement, nuzzling him affectionately. She didn't really care what he was saying. He smelled so good, like leather and gun powder -it was so familiar and so Dean. She had missed him more than she had thought she would. He helped her get into the passenger seat of the Impala and they were off down the road. Unfortunately for Dean, Kat had misjudged the amount of alcohol she had indulged in, getting a little ahead of herself in her confidence to win the pool game. By the time they pulled up to the motel, Kat was sound asleep, her fingers curled around his leather jacket and a tiny smile on her face. It wasn't the first time. Dean shook his head, getting out and carefully lifting her out from the Impala. For a minute he contemplated hitting her head on the side of the door "accidentally" and only enough to wake her up before he decided that he didn't really care. Above them, the first firework cracked through the night sky and exploded in a brilliant shimmer of white-gold.

_Shadow of the Day_

It was beginning to feel like more than a coincidence when Kat was driving through Michigan, having just finished off one hell of a ghost. She'd broken another of her fingers, which was making driving a real pain in the ass. Not only had she broken two of her left fingers, but there was an untold amount of bruising along her back from where she had been thrown against a table by the pesky thing. There were a lot of hauntings recently, so it felt that had taken her from Wisconsin to Georgia and now back up to Michigan before cutting back through to Missouri. But ghosts didn't wait for anyone and the sooner she could interfere in whatever the hell was going on, the more people would be leaving houses alive. She didn't want another family ending up like hers.

She was going to cut through Indiana and Kentucky in order to reach Missouri and she was halfway through with her plan when she spotted an eerily familiar car. A cursory glance at the license plate was enough to have her abruptly pulling off the highway and into the gravel driveway. What was Sam doing in Kentucky? Probably working on another case. She hadn't spent much time thinking of him or what Alyssa had said, but she had checked with Ellen and some other hunter acquaintances to see if anyone had heard from Sam recently. No one had. It was nearing the end of August now, the temperature drooping as the rain storms started to move in -and she was proven right as it started to drizzle down.

Kat got out, grabbing her bag as she hurried inside and locking her car without looking back. She was about to give her name and information when she realized that if she did that, she would have to essentially try and stake Sam out but there was another way that she could try and find him. Having spent so much time on the road, she was not the best looking woman in the world and besides that good looks weren't exactly beneficial when dealing with a female clerk. But there were delicious lies that could get her exactly what she wanted. Kat dropped her bags at the front of the counter, leaning over, she checked the hallways to see if anyone was around.

"Can I help you?" drawled the woman, glancing at her uninterestedly.

"I'm looking for my husband," Kat growled softly. "The cheating son-of-a-bitch took off without a word of explanation, and his secretary came around callin' and she 'fessed up that they'd been fucking. Now he won't stay still long enough to sign the divorce papers and I've got a baby on the way! Now I was drivin' by following his credit card trail and I saw his car parked out front… can ya help me out?"

"I'm not supposed to give out that information," she replied, obviously torn as she looked at Kat sympathetically.

"Please. I don't know what I'll do if he don't sign those papers. I'm tryin' here, and there ain't no way I'd hurt this precious thing," she rubbed her stomach. "He's a lawyer, see? I need some help bad and I swear I won't let him do nothin' to you."

The woman looked so sympathetic and understanding. "Which car was his?"

"That big black one out there," Kat said, shuffling over to point. "Stands out a bit don't it?"

"Oh yes ma'am." She looked through her records, which Kat was grateful for because otherwise the younger woman would have seen her cringe. "Ah, John Sambora?"

"That's him!" Of course Sam would use that kind of an alias. He was such a Bon Jovi fan.

The younger woman paused. "I.. I think I saw a woman go in with him," she glanced at Kat, obviously worried as she slid a key over.

It wasn't entirely fake when anger flashed across her face and she nodded, snatching the key up and storming down to the room. She only hoped that whoever she found in there was a decent human being.

The hopes she had hardly let foster suddenly flickered to death when a familiar looking dark haired woman answered the door, her hair messy and her clothes rumpled.

"Can I help you?" she asked arrogantly, adjusting her stance surprisingly familiarly.

"I'm looking for Sam," Kat deadpanned. "Seen him around?"

"He's out at the moment."

"Well I'll just wait for him, then, if you don't mind." She said it to be polite, but there was no politeness behind her firm words as she took a step towards the shorter woman. Kat was a few inches taller than her, and a fair bit more muscular than this scrawny thing.

"Actually I do," she growled, blocking Kat.

She was a lot stronger than she looked. "I'm practically his sister," Kat hissed. "He'd want to see me."

"I don't think so. He hasn't called anyone -no one's called him. And he said he's an orphan now, no family, no ties. So nice try sweetie, but next time you come looking for your boyfriend-replacement -this one's taken."

"Excuse me?!"

"What? Do I need to repeat it? Sam told me who you are. You keep following after him, trying to cling onto some memory of Dean or something but he's gone and Sam isn't going to be yours."

"How do you know who-? Ew, I so don't want Sam in that way -who the hell are you?"

"I'm his girlfriend. I thought I made that pretty clear. So get the hell out of here, because I'm pretty sure that if you cared about him beyond his dead brother you would've called before and Sam might have answered. He doesn't want any ties from his old life -so fuck off already."

"How about you fuck off?" Kat growled. "You're just a booty call if you think you can get away with this -Sam's not interested in someone like you-"

The slap across her face sent her reeling. The shock of it was one thing, but the realization that she was staring into a pair of coal black eyes was another entirely. Kat didn't have enough time to react before there was a boot in her gut and the demon hauled her into Sam's room. Too late Kat realized that perhaps this wasn't Sam's room at all, with the unusual disorganization and maps that lined the room. She tried to fight back, but she was used to being the fast and light runner with stamina that never ran out. Her best chance at a physical fight was her endurance and skill at evading capture. It was a little late for that though, as the demon proceeded to kick the shit out of her.

From what little she could keep track of, it seemed that this demon had been aware that she was the one who managed to get Sam to go back to Alyssa. Also that she had been doing what she could to keep an eye on Sam and his whereabouts. Which was making this bitch's plans a lot harder to follow through with apparently. Kat smiled dazedly, blood running down the corner of her mouth. If she had inconvenienced this demonic spawn so much, it was completely worth it. She was vaguely aware of being dragged around, hardly able to catch her breath as each intake and exhale was agonizing. Her eyes were open but vision was fading quickly and she tried to blink it away, only to have the darkness slump over her eyes. The last thing she could remember was something hard and heavy being thrown on top of her and a sadistic laugh that echoed in her ears.


	13. Just Breathe

_

2002 

_

They met up for coffee as planned at the little café in New Orleans. Kat flashed him a winning smile when he walked through the door, stirring the extra sugar into her espresso. She needed all the energy she could get -it was just one of those days. Dean slid into the booth opposite her, leaning across to kiss her cheek tenderly.

"You finally got away from him, huh?" Kat teased.

Dean grinned, "Yeah he let me do this one on my own. Got a call down in Washington, I guess. Still avoiding your mother I hear?"

Kat groaned. "She phoned him?"

"Again, yeah."

"What'd she want?"

"To know how you were doing. Where you were. The usual."

"What'd John say?"

"That you were fine and no he didn't know where you were."

"He didn't ask you?"

"I just told him you were fine."

"So… he doesn't know?"

Dean shrugged. "I don't care if he does."

Kat smiled adoringly, giving him a quick peck. "Well I've missed you."

The waiter dropped by to get their orders, looking a little disappointed when he saw Dean sitting there. Dean ordered a black coffee, a cheeseburger and some fries and Kat reassured the waiter that she was still quite happy with her espresso.

"What, making plans in case I didn't show?" Dean joked, watching the waiter walk away.

"Maybe," Kat joked. At Dean's look she innocently added, "Babe, he isn't half as interesting as you."

"And espresso?"

"Today's one of those days."

Dean leaned over, kissing her. Kat was quite happy to kiss him back. Unaware that the waiter had been eyeing her up whereas Dean was not so oblivious. They pulled away, a little breathless and uncaring of anyone who was around them. Kat listened to Dean tell her about his solo hunt and how he had managed to impress his father for once with some fast thinking. Of course it was short lived when it turned out there was the monster had a back-up with him. Kat laughed along with Dean and the waiter dropped off their meal without a second glance at either of them.

Dean was about to take a bite from his burger when his cell phone rang out. Kat took the opportunity as soon as it presented itself to her. In an attempt to hear his caller, Dean turned away and Kat reached over, taking his burger and helping herself to a nice bite. It wasn't that she wasn't hungry; she was. But stealing food from Dean had to be the best game there was to play. He hung up, turning back towards her and Kat innocently nibbled on a fry.

Dean took one glance at his burger and shot her a dirty look. "Can't you order your own food?"

Kat pretended to consider as she reached over and stole another fry. "Nah. Yours tastes better."

"It's the same food."

"No," Kat corrected, smirking. "It's your food."

Just Breathe 

(March 2009) 

Alyssa's in the middle of a regular day sometime in March when everything changes.

Again.

In a matter of seconds she's gone, out the back and shirking her clothes into the nearest dumpster before hopping into her recently overhauled car and speeding all the way out of Minnesota, a pair of looming black eyes haunting her in the rear view mirror. She does her best to be kept in the hunter's loop, but tries to keep herself relatively scarce for the most part.

It was obvious something was going on, but it isn't something she could pinpoint. Recently demons had been crawling around everywhere and she was starting to feel like a hunted rabbit chased from one den to the next. Ellen had called in a few favors to get her this car, and maybe it was just her paranoia, but Alyssa was starting to think they were beginning to recognize it. It was a plain old white car; it blended in everywhere and nearly so often that when she went grocery shopping she usually had to wander around the parking lot a good ten minutes before figuring out which car was hers. On top of it, she was making it a habit to change her license plate in every state she passed through to try and reduce her chances of being noticed.

Something big was going on, that was for sure. She wondered how Sam was doing, where he was and if he was somehow involved with whatever was going on. Because if he was in trouble, then it definitely meant that Alyssa was in trouble. Or at least that seemed to be a quickly forming pattern. It never meant anything good either. She spent the next several days driving, spending the warmer nights tucked in safely within her car.

Last time she had spoken to Ellen, she and Jo were back together and covering some of the possessions that seemed to be going on continually. Alyssa was grateful to phone and let her know that there was another one back in Minnesota. As she pulled into a small town in Wyoming nearly a week later, the hairs on the back of her neck started to rise. She changed her mind and decided that it was a better idea to simply keep driving. So she did.

She was barely outside of the town outskirts, headed to the nearest rest stop for a much needed break, when there a soft fluttering sound. From the corner of her eye she spot movement and glanced over, screaming and slamming on the breaks when she realized there was a man sitting in her passenger seat. The force of her sudden stop drove her chest into the steering wheel -enough force to bruise but not enough to do any other damage. The man sitting beside her however… she pulled back with a grunt, expecting to see that he had been thrown from the vehicle but he was still sitting there undisturbed.

"I apologize for startling you," he said, tilting his head to the side. His words were oddly formal. "You are Alyssa Jones, yes?"

Alyssa could only stare at the stranger, unsure of what answer to give. "Depends," she finally hedged, undoing her seatbelt. If the force of gravity couldn't do anything to him, she doubted she would have a better chance. Running wasn't much of an option, but it was better than driving with this guy.

"You are the only one who can save him."

"Save who?"

"He needs you."

"Look, I don't care who needs me! I don't care who I can save. I don't know you -and I sure as hell don't trust you. Now get out of my car!" she hit her seatbelt, ready to flee when he calmly opened his door and stepped out. She could only stare in shock.

"You need to come with me."

"Excuse me?"

"There is no time if you are to save him."

"Save who?!"

"Sam."

Sam? That didn't make any sense. He was certainly better off on his own than anything else. "Who are you?" she demanded instead. Suddenly, she regretted having denied Ellen's offer of putting a secure weapons stash in the vehicle. If she had a gun… it was unlikely to have made a difference, but she might have felt a little safer. Until of course it didn't work and then she would probably be more panicked than she already was.

"Who are you?" she repeated dimly, staring at him.

"I am Castiel, Angel of the Lord."

She couldn't help the laugh that bubbled from her lips as she stared at the man in a trench coat with his neat and tidy hair. He didn't look like any angel. "What kind of a joke is this?"

"It is not a joke," he repeated sternly, frowning at her.

Alyssa stared at him in shock before getting out of her car and walking around to stand a little closer to him. It was a good thing this was late at night and this highway was practically deserted or there would have been several accidents already.

"You're a real angel?" she inquired, looking at him curiously.

"Yes."

He looked so plain…

"Is this… a host?" she asked, gesturing at him vaguely.

"A vessel, yes." He was watching her curiously, his deep blue eyes seeming to pierce her very soul.

Alyssa had a million and one questions to ask, one in particular that started with why. It was probably something everyone had wondered at some point, to some extent. But she didn't ask it. "Sam needs me?"

Castiel paused, a smile edging onto his face. "You believe," he murmured, intrigued.

Alyssa blushed. "What's going on?"

Castiel didn't waste time, instead simply reaching over and placing his fingers on her forehead. It was a peculiar sensation, with no beginning and no end. The next time Alyssa opened her eyes, she was standing in front of a motel in the middle of Castiel-knows-where. She staggered with the sudden shift, trying to regain her balance from the sudden shift. She stumbled inside, seeking shelter from the drizzle that was slowly soaking through her clothes.

She didn't talk about it much, or really share that she had a religious background. She had stopped believing a long time ago, around the time that Jess had died. But really, it did make sense considering that demons existed. Curious, she made her way down the hall. She hadn't seen the Impala outside. What had that angel meant about being the only one who could save him? Was Sam okay -was he even here?

She stopped, realizing there was no way for her to know if Sam was here when one of the doors swung open. Alyssa watched as a short woman made her way out, laughing softly at something someone else said. The next second there was a taller man at the doorway, leaning down and pressing a kiss to her neck. It felt like a ton of bricks had been dropped on, one of those hilarious moments from a child's cartoon that wasn't such a great feeling, when she realized. It was Sam. The shorter woman pulled back with another laugh, touching his face tenderly before turning and walking down the hall. Briefly, they made eye contact, she and the other woman, and Alyssa was rewarded with a sneer as the woman kept on down the hall.

She looked at the door, where Sam was standing, his eyes wide with surprise as he stared at her. "A-Alyssa."

It wasn't as though they were dating or anything, she reminded herself stubbornly. They were just… friends. A part of her felt like falling apart and crying at the stupid luck of the world -that the man she was -that the man she adored was always with someone else and never her. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

She offered a fleeting, strained smile in response. "So, who was that?"

"She's… no one. Look, what are you even doing here? How'd you find me?"

"Well certainly not by looking!" Alyssa snapped, harsher than she intended. She had to stop and swallow back whatever pained responses she had. She threw her arms around him instead. Thank god he was okay.

"Aly…"

She pulled back quickly. "You're okay right?" she asked, casting a concerned look up into his eyes. He looked okay.

"I'm okay," he said softly, smiling almost uncomfortably. "How did you find me here, anyways?"

"Coincidence," she replied before she could stop herself.

Sam paused, "Do you… want to come in for a bit?"

Alyssa nodded and he led her inside. She wasn't quite prepared for the mess of the room and belatedly realized that the bed was in more of a mess than just that of a person sleeping. Pointedly, she looked away and sat down on the chair closest to the door.

"How've you been?"

"Worried," she told him honestly. "I thought… something might have happened to you."

A scowl flashed across Sam's face and was so shortly there that Alyssa wondered whether she had imagined it or not. "Well you were the one who called Kat on me, aren't you?"

"Wha-what? I -I was just worried."

"You're the only one who could have called them," Sam persisted, sitting down in the other armchair, facing her. There was a hardness in his eyes that she wasn't accustomed to seeing, and it was a little bit scary when he was looking at her this way. As though… as though they were strangers. "Well thanks for that, because Katherine tailed me all over the country for the rest of the summer."

"I was worried!" Alyssa protested numbly. "I didn't want you to-to die doing something stupid!"

"Something stupid like bringing my brother back?!" Sam shouted.

Alyssa fell silent, drawing back against her chair. She had never seen Sam like this before.

"Which I couldn't do by the way, but Kat got in her head that it was her responsibility or something -as though she owed anything to Dean! He never wanted her with us, that day, but I thought she was good back up." Sam shook his head. "She got careless, Alyssa. She was following me for weeks, and I went out on this hunt and… it got her before I did."

"What?" she gasped, staring at him as he turned away from her. "What do you mean Sam? I didn't send Kat to hunt you or anything -I was worried after that message. So worried, for you." Hesitantly she reached towards him.

"Kat's dead because of you," he growled.

She felt as though she had been slapped. "It was… her choice," she replied numbly.

"If you hadn't told her anything she wouldn't have been following me!"

"Sam," she pleaded softly, gazing at him pleadingly.

It wasn't her fault. It didn't make her feel any better that the kind woman she had met over the summer was dead, but it wasn't her fault. She had only shared her concerns. If Kat had been concerned enough to continue following Sam, then that was Kat's choice. And it was a red flag that something was wrong with Sam. But there were so many things that were screaming that something was wrong with him, from the way he avoided talking about the woman, the way he seemed so on edge… the way he had yelled at her.

"I'm sorry, okay?" she whispered, taking a deep breath, reaching towards him. "I didn't know. I was scared, Sam. You took off, you left that really strange message. If I had known…"

Sam pulled away from her entirely, the tenseness washing from his body. "Dean doesn't know. And you can't tell him."

Alyssa looked at Sam in alarm. "What?"

"Dean; he doesn't know about Kat. You can't tell him."

"What do you mean -Sam, he's dead."

"No. He came back."

"B-but… how?"

"Angels," he sighed, turning back towards her and sagging into his chair. He smiled apologetically at her. "I'm sorry Alyssa, everything's so screwed up right now…"

"It-it's okay…" she agreed tentatively, watching him closely.

"Dean came back in September. We've been kind of keeping it low. But thing's have been crazy. I'm sorry for… I'm sorry," he murmured, leaning forward. "Kat was like a sister to me. I-I don't know if you knew that and sometimes… Sometimes Dean calls her and he thinks I don't know, but I do, and he can't get a hold of her and…" Sam sighed heavily.

"Crazy how?" she whispered, staring at him.

So Sam told her everything. And Alyssa wished he hadn't. What had Castiel wanted her to do? Save Sam? Save him from what, exactly? Hell? He was a little busy with saving the world, or trying to. Alyssa did the only thing she could think of, with a lot of hesitancy, wrapping her arms around him. She had missed him. Even if he… He was still her friend. And she had no doubt that she would hear more about Kat, later. Hopefully, later. She didn't even know what to do with those feelings or anything. So for now, she wasn't going to worry about them. 


	14. Whataya Want From Me?

Dean walked into the small cafe, wondering what was going on with Sam and his persistent need to be alone lately. The smell of freshly brewing coffee was certainly welcoming enough. He got in line and glanced through the menu, ordering a plain black coffee when the background noise slowly caught up to him with one familiar name. Katherine Calloway. He handed the change off to the cashier, turning to look back at the small tv where they had a picture of her posted up and a police number flashing along the bottom of it.

Dean watched the repeated information pass by, an old photo of Kitty with the caption requesting the public's health in any information regarding her suspicious death. There were no suspects or anything. Apparently she had been beaten up pretty badly and someone had thrown her into the trunk of a car before driving out and ditching her body. The car was found a few days later, clean of fingerprints and reported stolen two weeks before then. It was hard enough to stay standing as the news feed finished it's broadcast. Kat was… dead?

Had Sam known? Did it matter at this point? No, no it didn't.

Within a few steps Dean was at the nearest computer, typing out Katherine Calloway and finding where she had been buried. Kentucky. A weak smile tugged at his lips; she was buried in the shadow of a church. Literally. She was probably rolling in her grave.

What the hell had happened? Kat worked with hauntings, not possessions. She never got into enough trouble in a bar and could handle herself just fine. The only way someone could've got the jump on her was if they caught her off guard or were just that much stronger than her. But even in that case, she was smart enough to try and run for her life especially if the situation looked that grim. She was stubborn, but even she knew when she was outmatched and to back off. There were so many things they had been taught together. Dean had died, sure, but that wasn't from someone actually killing him. Or beating him to death. Although with Alistair it had been close...

_"Police have just gotten a report in confirming that the motel manager at Shake n' Shimmy remembers seeing the young woman come in sometime in August asking after a customer and that there was something of a commotion going on. When the manager, Ms. Kealy, went to investigate the noise she could only find a ruffled bed and an abandoned room. Police are going through security footage now. Please, if anyone has any information on the death of Miss Calloway call this number..."_

Reeling in shock Dean grabbed his coat and walked back out to his baby, turning the key he sped out of the parking lot and down the highway towards Kentucky. The Apocalypse and their damn angels could wait five fucking hours. He needed to know. Sam had to have known. There was no way that Janine or Bobby or even Ellen wouldn't have called him to tell him.

Did he think that Dean needed protection or something? Goddammit. Kat, what the hell happened? The use of a car negated it being anything other than demons or some stupid humans. She was beaten to death. What if… no. He refused to let his mind wander to that particular possibility. Just because he was rotting in hell and torturing other bastards… No. He pressed down a little harder on the gas, eyes staring down the highway. He was going to get answers that Sam had probably never even bothered to get.

Had Bobby and the others just assumed Sam would have told him or were they all supportive of that decision? He might not have always been Kat's biggest fan, but she was still his best friend and a little more than that. Kat was supposed to have been living up here, having a blast as usual and screwing around with some guys in the back of a bar. She was supposed to see Janine once more, to shove every piece of garbage that she was carrying with her right down the hag's mouth. Janine was supposed to smarten up and accept Kat as the amazing individual she was, and not some shadow of a star pupil. Kat was a damn good hunter, always had been but for some reason it was just never quite good enough for Janine Calloway.

Kitty was supposed to be alive long enough to say "I love you, and I'm sorry." 

Whataya Want From Me? 

Alyssa sat curled up in the chair for the whole night, wearing one of Sam's shirts and unable to sleep. She could hear his deep, even breathing and knew that he was soundly asleep. Unlike him, she could not put her fears aside quite so easily. What was going on with him in the first place? she mused. The soft flutter of wings, the barest of shadows flickering across the dark room illuminated by just a crack of moonlight alerted her to his presence but she still jumped when she saw him standing in front of her. She glanced back over her shoulder to see if Sam had woken up, knowing how hunters were sensitive to the slightest changes in their atmosphere.

"He won't wake up," Castiel told her soothingly. "You don't have to worry."

"What's wrong with him?" she pressed, turning towards him. "Sam isn't… Sam's never been like this before."

"He is sick, tainted, by a demon."

"W-what do you mean? He's not possessed…"

"There are other ways in which someone can be affected. You should not worry about how he is sick. Just know that he is, and be there for him."

"What am I supposed to do, follow him across the country?"

"Yes."

Alyssa blinked in surprise. "I don't have a possible way to follow him at the moment."

"Make sure he takes you with him."

"And if he won't?" she countered. "I'm only his friend -I'm not someone invaluable to him, like Dean or Jess."

"Dean will be glad to have you along as well, for Sam's benefit."

"What aren't you telling me?"

"Nothing you need to worry about. Now, sleep. It will be a busy year for you."

"What do you-?" Alyssa didn't have time to finish her question before Castiel had crossed the distance between them, placing his fingers on her forehead.

When Alyssa woke up in the morning, it was to the sound of the door slowly easing shut behind one Sam Winchester. Sleepily, and without thinking she called his name, watching the door bleary-eyed. It slowly opened and Sam stepped back in, his duffle slung over his shoulder and looking like he was about to leave for a war mission. That hardness was back in his gaze as he looked at her.

"I want to go with you," she pressed, sitting up slowly.

"No, it's too dangerous for you," Sam countered.

"Too dangerous?" she repeated numbly. "Too dangerous -Sam where the hell is there no danger?! The seals are breaking right -we're all in great danger no matter where we are." Especially if… she didn't want to finish that thought.

"Yes. But it's more dangerous with us, with me," he tried to soothe her.

"I don't care."

"Well I do."

"I want to go with you."

"You can't," a frown crossed his features. "Alyssa it's way too dangerous, you don't even know how to defend yourself or anything. You'd just slow us down."

"I learned!" she argued vehemently. "Ellen and Jo both taught me -"

"Oh Jo, teaching you? That's just great. One rookie teaching another," he scoffed.

"You doubt that Ellen could teach either of us something?"

"Ellen's more of a scary mom that a monster hunter. I don't think she could have taught you anything practical."

"At least give me a chance Sam," she pleaded. "I can't know about this whole fiasco and do nothing. It's not like you can't use the help, and it's a little much to have the whole fate of the world resting on your shoulders alone."

"Why does it matter so much? You never cared about any of this before."

"I learned it all as life skills, but that doesn't mean I didn't care. I may not be hunter material, but I do have experience and training behind me Sam. I can still help. Isn't that what this is all about at the end of the day anyways?"

"This is a bit bigger than all of this. No, Alyssa. You can't help. Dean… Dean can't even handle what's going on! It's bad enough I have to carry him, but I'm not going to be carrying your deadweight around either."

Alyssa stared in shock, pulling back closer to her chair. Was she supposed to save Sam from his self or from his stupidity?

"Dean… went to Hell. He came back different. He can't do this, Aly. I'm the only one who can do this and this? This is just too big to let it all go."

Numbly, she watched as he walked out of the motel room and left her behind. She was still sitting on the chair, wearing his shirt while her clothes were hanging in the bathroom to dry. Had losing Dean really changed Sam this much? How could she even save him when he didn't know and didn't care about who he was? Or who he had been.

She had just finished changing into her clothes, folding Sam's shirt up and setting it on the bed when the motel door opened again and Sam wandered in, looking quite confused. He glanced at her, and then to his shirt before sitting down on the arm chair she had previously been sitting on.

"Dean's… not answering his phone."

"You don't have the car?"

"I stole one, dropped it off five miles from here. Dean was supposed to be here by now -he, uh, had to go back and see his doctor for something."

"Doctor?"

"He got his ass kicked by a demon." Sam frowned. "We agreed to meet here, there's pissed off ghost in the city by the sounds of things."

"Maybe he got some bad news?"

Sam sat bolt upright. "Oh shit," he breathed out. "He knows."

"Knows…?"

Sam grabbed the remote, turning the volume on the television up. Alyssa recognized the picture of the woman there, a younger version of the Kat that she had met over the summer. The police were asking for information regarding her death considering that they had just gotten a big tip from a motel owner in Kentucky who said that he had seen her that morning going to see a friend but the owner was a little sketchy on the details and the police didn't offer much clarity.

"It's the only explanation for why he's not here, unless Cas whisked him away somewhere but I doubt that's it. He's trying to find answers…"

"Are there any?"

Sam shook his head, staring forlornly at the tv. "I have no idea… He's gonna be pissed."

"Tell him the truth," she urged. "It can't do any harm can it?"

Sam sighed, shaking his head. "That's not the point."

"Well go see him, you know where she was, er put to rest right? Would he go there or is he going to go looking to find what happened to her?"

"He'll be on the hunt for answers…"

They hammered out a plan on what to do, what they were going to do and with great reluctance, Sam agreed to let Alyssa come along this once. Inside she was ecstatic. There were only going to be a few problems on the way, such as her missing car and the lack of clothing she currently didn't own. Because what she had owned was nice and safe in her car which was several states out of the way.

Sam went out and stole another car, an indistinct black Honda or something and she carried their stuff out and got in and off they drove towards Kentucky. She turned the radio on when the silence between them started to weight heavily on the mood, and almost regretted it when heavy metal started playing. It took her a couple of tries before she settled on a modern station that wasn't overly pretentious in how it pretended that everyone liked the music.

It was late in the evening when they pulled into the small Kentucky city, close to where Kat's body had been found and near to where she was buried. Sam drove around, checking out the motels in the area, looking for the Impala. Alyssa felt the tension in the car hike several levels when they had driven all over the town and seen no sign of the Impala. What did it mean? Had Dean not come here? Sam checked for his brother's GPS once more, but there was nothing conclusive since it seemed he had removed the battery from his phones. And as irrational as it was, Dean had done it with every one of his phones.

It was obvious that he didn't want to be found. Sam resigned parked in the nearest motel parking lot, it's blue sign flickering and on the verge of dying. They went inside the building and Alyssa was actually surprised by the warm and clean interior. She had been expecting more peeling wallpaper and water stains. Instead there was none of that and it was a pleasant change from the other motels she was familiar with. Sam checked them in under his alias of Hetfield and the clerk welcomed Mr. and Mrs. Hetfield with a great big smile and sent them down to their two-bed room. Sam went back out to the car to grab their belongings and the clerk called Alyssa over to tell her a few creative things that Alyssa was sure she could have done without hearing.

When Sam came back in, Alyssa had the keys in her hand and was pretty sure her face had turned six shades of red in the last minute and a half. She was pretty sure that she had never had another woman sit her down and tell in great detail just how lucky she was to have such a handsome man and some of the special offers that the motel offered. Alyssa was reconsidering her initial appraisement of the place. Blue Heaven certainly had some interesting variables placed in rooms. And Alyssa would keep in mind that avoiding the honeymoon suite was in the best interest for herself. She couldn't imagine what it would be like to stand up there and listen to all of that, knowing that Sam was hers. Here? Here they were friends pretending to be more.

She let them into their room, also neat and tidy and trimmed in a pleasant blue. Alyssa sat down on the nearest bed, curling up. She watched as Sam deposited his bag on his bed, sitting down beside it as well. He glanced at her, and there was almost a spark of the old Sam there, vulnerable and sweet and tender... and then it was gone and he was moving around and rearranging his bag before heading off for a shower and Alyssa was left alone.

How different would it be, if they were here as a couple? She sighed softly.

 

 

Dean was holed up in the traditional old fashioned inn, now more of a remodeled bed and breakfast as he sorted through police files, desperate to find some clue that would tell him who had done this to Kat. He had left the Impala parked safely within the garage of the building, to help keep some distance between him and Sam. He needed to figure this out, and then he would decide what part Sam had to play in this whole thing. But right now, he didn't want a lot to do with his brother. Sam was safe and fine and if there was any immediate danger Cas wouldn't be wasting time in collecting them all.

Interestingly there was no record of her autopsy if one had even been performed, at least not that he could find. He skimmed through the papers quickly finding nothing but a note from the coroner, Margaret Hyra, stating that the results had been inconclusive but that it appeared blunt force trauma was the cause of death. Dean skimmed through the motel manager's statement, frowning as he read her recalled story of Kat explaining about her cheating husband and wanting the father to step up to the plate of looking after her baby. The manager remembered that because she had been in a situation similar to Kat when she was younger, so she had agreed to help and was now regretting it.

They were looking for her husband, who had used the name John Sambora. But there was no one with that name out there, no records, nothing. Dean sat back, frowning at what had to be an alias and one which was pretty similar to some of the stuff they used. The guy was obviously a Bon Jovi fan to use that kind of a name, although god only knew why. Bon Jovi was just not that great as far as Dean was concerned.

He tapped his foot, taking a good long drink from his whiskey. Now would have been a good time to have Sam here. There had to be something that Dean was missing here. No autopsy records, no pictures... not that he was sure he even wanted to see those pictures. What the hell happened? Kitty had been in Kentucky, a more populated town at the Shake n' Shimmy motel and several hours later she was found just a little out of this town and taken to the hospital. They had tried to revive her but had been unsuccessful. Her name was down as Jane Doe and that was the end of the trail, just about. There were no clues or hints or anything about her.

Nothing to suggest that something supernatural was at play either, and that was a little disconcerting. According to the autopsy report done by Hyra, it seemed that there was validity to Kitty's claim that she was pregnant. Four months pregnant actually. But that wasn't possible. Dean had been with her all of May just about, unless after he died she jumped Sam's bones -he shuddered at that, no way that happened -or she'd grabbed the next guy she met. He flicked to the end of the report, pulling out the autopsy pictures he had skimmed over. Inside, was a woman with long reddish hair and a delicate face not too different from Kat, but there was something about her features that seemed... wrong.

On her exposed shoulder, there was a butterfly tattoo. Katherine hated butterflies and the usual girly crap, especially the color pink. Her favorite color was red, had always been. She wouldn't be caught dead with something like that permanently inked onto her body. Even drunk, no one could talk Kat into doing something like that. If anyone could have, Dean would have stood the best chance. And still drunk, he'd taken a right hook to the face that he wasn't going to forget about anytime soon. This... this couldn't be Kat. There was no way.


End file.
